From Dependence To Independence | How to manage the pressure
Talking about money is always a serious thing. No one likes to hear that they are not doing well money-wise even though they can clearly see that.
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As important as it is, I don't like talking about money. I had to come to terms with the money talk recently and it has been a process for me to get to that point.
It wasn't easy for me to address the details of my financial situation. I just thought I could get a better financial situation without cross-checking and being real with my financial status. The focus for me has always been to make money and not to focus on the actual details that characterize my present financial situation. No doubt I made mistakes with managing my money.
I had a very strict upbringing when it came to money and I was thought to be content with what I had no matter how little. I developed a spirit of managing what I had as much as possible and since I was afraid of coming off to everyone as money-minded, I would not ask for money until I really needed it. I was provided with already bought items rather than the money to purchase them myself. It made the subject of money feel taboo for such a long time but as an adult, I realized that we have to talk about money at a certain point. At a certain point, we have to question our finances to find out what's wrong and right with them and what the future holds for us. This is the point where we are finally becoming financially independent because it's hard to question and look into your finances when you are still dependent.
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The pressure to be financially independent.
Being dependent feels normal until a time when we begin to feel that guilt to take money from our parents or live off someone else's pocket. It can make you feel depressed, stressed and pressured to want to do something to get out of that dependent situation.
Hustling and yet not independent?
This is very normal - I mean to feel that way. The feeling is worse when you try so hard to become financially independent but you fail on many attempts. Or what you make isn't enough to ensure your financial independence. This is worse because it kills you every time when you have to go back to ask for help when everyone knows that you have a hustle or a job. Everyone expects you to be doing well at this point.
At what age should I be independent?
Another factor that causes the pressure of being financially independent is age. Trust me you don't want to be getting close to thirty and still be depending entirely on your parents. It feels so stressful, especially in this era of social media where everyone seems to have their sh*t together and have accomplished a lot before thirty.
When the pressure takes you in the wrong direction.
That's not an easy thing to deal with. I remember that I had to unfollow lots of people (including my friends) on Facebook some time ago because everyone seemed to be achieving something and I felt my life was stagnant because I compared my life to theirs all the time.
That wasn't healthy at all as it made me strive to change my life so bad that I wanted a quick change to meet up with the standard. The standard that had been built in my mind was that by this or that age, I should be achieving this or that. I wanted to skip further than my legs could take me and I failed many times because I was motivated by the wrong thing.
The things I wanted were not exactly what I wanted instead, they were things that I saw that looked good on other people. I mismanaged the little I had in order to look like all was well and I was getting my sh*t together. But underneath, things were rather getting worse because I was only increasing my financial problems and making my financial situation worse.
I spent money on things I didn't really need at the moment and I didn't want to come to terms with the fact that I wasn't a fully independent babe yet. I had a struggling business that went on and off for a long time and I was tackling school, my blog and life too. It became so stressful at one time that I became so discouraged. Everything I was doing wasn't working. While I tried to portray (and fool myself at the same time) that my life was intact, I was working out ways to back it up. But it wasn't working.
Finally facing your financial situation.
Like I said earlier I don't do the money talk (not even with myself) but I was forced to do so when I realized that it's time to level up my finances and live my best life.
I had to look myself in the eye and tell the truth which is that I wasn't doing well and I needed an upgrade. Here are a few things I looked into.
Realizing the reality.
I mentioned this already but I will emphasize it because it is the start point for change. I had to accept it. It is really hard to accept a situation that you are not used to. While being dependent I lived well and alright but when I took the road to independence, things changed and my financial situation dropped.
I had more needs and less money to spend. Money was now going into my business, my blog and other things. It wasn't just food, school and monthly bills anymore. Other expenses added up. This changed my situation. I began to struggle even more to manage my money.
It took me a long while to realize that I was in a real mess and that I needed to think about reassessing my finances.
Analyzing money entries and exits.
I didn't analyze my entries and exits of money. I just lived like that. When I received money, I rushed to solve the next pressing problem without analyzing how that expenditure will affect me. And I think that was my main problem with my finances. I would have some money now and later I am already broke and sometimes in debt.
I now realize it's important to know your streams of income and how much these streams of income give you, then know how you spend it so that you don't go broke. It's also important to take into consideration the duration of each stream of income to come in. Is it a monthly, weekly or daily income? How certain is this income to come in? Some incomes are not as certain to come in on time as others are so it's risky to depend on them.
Those are a few questions to guide you analyze your financial entries and exits. Knowing how much you make or receive in a month will help you to know how to spend and invest your money without going completely broke.
Knowing the assets and liabilities in your life.
Assets and liabilities are not only meant for the accountants. It is meant to be understood by everyone who wants to manage their money well. This here is all about spending or what you are spending your money on. Are they assets or liabilities?
Assets are valuable and useful things you own that help you generate more value in the form of income or any other value. While liability is like a debt like your monthly bills and loans. I hope I defined them well without sounding too technical.
So you see that it's better to have more assets than liabilities. If you stop increasing your liabilities like health, gas, phone, internet, water and electricity bills then you can have more money to invest in assets that are good.
Also, you need to know the kind of assets to invest in. Some assets increase in value while others decrease in value over time. Assets like land or a house increase in value over time but a car will decrease in value over time.
When it comes to simple things like clothing and cosmetics, invest in pieces that will take longer to wear out so that it becomes cheaper for you over time. At least I practised this one already, especially with my clothing and accessories like my bags. I have pieces in my wardrobe which are as old as six years and are still in a good state because they are of good quality.
Making a financial plan.
After all this analysis, you need a plan. You need to use the knowledge you acquired about your financial situation to make changes that will take you to a better financial level.
The method I use is this.
Calculate how much money you need monthly for your present and future (combined) expenses, investments and savings. How much do you need to spend, invest, refund or save every month? If you already know your total expenses, then you may decide to invest a certain amount and then save a certain amount monthly.
When you know this then this will be your financial target to reach each month. When you multiply this amount by 12 months then you will know how much you need to make in a year.
If you meet your yearly income target before the year runs out then that's great. This can also help you track your expenses to see if they are increasing, decreasing or the same. If your yearly target income is increasing but your expenses are increasing as well then you are not making progress financially. Also, calculate the total amount of money you are expected to save by the end of the year and track your progress as you save.
Consider your abilities, skills and opportunities while doing your plan. Also, consider your future plans for investments and family plans as you plan your finances.
Financial independence is a TRANSITION, not a sudden change.
I want to highlight here that it takes time to become independent financially so don't expect to get on your feet with a snap of the finger.
It is a transition, an evolution, a progression and a metamorphosis from dependence to independence. It takes time. Don't be fooled by what you see on the internet of people getting financial independence right after college and all that yadda about getting financially independent by a certain age.
Don't even let that make you question your life for a minute. Keep working on yourself to get the financial freedom you seek. Hard work and patience are still such good virtues.
If you are still dependent while you work your way towards independence then I would say don't feel too comfortable but don't feel ashamed about it. If you still live with your parents or they still send you money for upkeep, don't let that make you relax your efforts and don't feel ashamed about it.
Just do what you have to do to get out of that situation because that is just a transition period. It's not meant to last forever but it can take a long time too.
I didn't warn you that this post was going to be long lol.
But I am happy to share all the details with you about levelling up your finances. This is still January. Or whatever month in which you read this post it is not too late to start making drastic changes to better your financial life.
I hope to share more real and practical tips with you on that as time goes on. I hope you enjoyed this post and don't forget that you can always share your thoughts with me in the comment section below.
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