Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts

I watched a nollywood movie called "The Art Of Letting Go" by Bolaji Ogunmola. It's an interesting movie and you can watch it on YouTube. This movie is unique because of the story.

It's a love story but not the usual happy ending. It tells the story of a lady who fell in love with a man who didn't love her enough to be serious with her but he kept showing up when he wanted her, her feelings didn't matter to him, and and he dated other women without remorse. He wasn't serious about her but he will say things that will give her hope or keep her hooked like "I can't let you go", "we are getting to know each other", "I want to wake up next to you", "You are special".

Why You Need To Avoid That 'Special' Type Of Love

The reason why I'm bringing this movie up is because these are the kind of relationships that make us women lose their minds. We fall so in love with this guy and want to grab every opportunity to hang in there though we are being bread crumbed. And when i say bread crumbed, I mean we are given less than the bare minimum in the relationship. We may know that he doesn't love us but we love them so much that we are ready to let them have their way all the time - just to have a piece of them or to feel worthy of their time.

Usually this man fits perfectly in the description of your dream man in terms of the physical look, intelligence and charisma and they are usually hard to forget or let go. Reason why in the movie the lady had a hard time resisting him.

If this story seems familiar to you or if you are in such a relationship then you need to make a real decision to leave because it will only make you mor miserable, make you feel unworthy and uncapable to make any decision for yourself. Your love is not enough to sustain the relationship for the both of you.

Such a relationship is like a drug that only takes from you and doesn't give back. even if you give it all you got this person will still not love more.

So it's time to think about yourself more; Treat yourself the way you expect this person to treat you. Give all the love to yourself and not him. Withdraw from him and keep your distance; This is the hardest part but you can do it. You are strong. Make yourself priority and treat yourself well. Don't accept the disrespect and lack of consideration anymore. You are too beautiful and worthy to be treated anyhow by anybody.

You got this.

Talk to you in my next one. Take care

I saw a post today on Threads where someone shared some trends on the internet that are scams.

On her list was the trad wife creators who own monetized accounts which I agree with because they teach women to be traditional wives but they have accounts that make them money and give them a certain degree of independence depending on how much they make.

At the end of her post she asked her audience to mention other scams if they know any. A lady mentioned women working cooperate jobs which makes them feel broken. My first thought after reading her response was 'there are women who love and enjoy the cooperate world so why say that?'. Then I saw that below her response, someone said what was on my mind to her and she responded saying that what she mentioned was her experience. At that point, she was told not to generalize but talk about her own experience.

Women Who Work Are Not Masculine | Don't Let Trends Fool You

That post made me think about the number of posts that I have come across where some women said that; a woman who works is operating from a masculine energy because women are not meant to work.

Honestly I didn't even know if I should agree or disagree with that statement when I first heard it but over time I realized that I strongly disagree.

There are many independent women who are very feminine just like there are housewives who are not feminine at all. Femininity is an energy a woman carries and applies in everything she does. So a woman can work, earn a living, be independent and still be very feminine because her being feminine is not determined by the fact that she has a job or she's working.

With this trend of women wanting to be dependent on men, I wonder if there's a consideration for the risk of losing it all in case things go wrong. I know there are kind men who take good care of their wives and family without even complaining but it's always an advantage when a woman has her own money. Not all women married to or dating men who are providers have the freedom to express themselves or do what they want; And if the man is abusive it makes it even ten times harder to leave when you are dependent on him. To make depending on a man financially work for you, you have to make sure you save from what he gives you and you also have valuable properties in your name so that you can have something to fall on or to start a business in case things go sour.

It's true that by nature men are providers because that's what makes their ego grow but we now live in an era that requires women to work for their own survival and safety. Times have changed. Not only is life more expensive than before, life is more complex because everything is being sold compared to before where people could rely on nature to provide food and shelter for free.

If you are blessed with a good man who is a provider, don't let it stop you from working or saving up or investing because there could be rainy days though we don't pray for it.

Don't let trends fool you because if there are consequences you'll be the only one to bear it o. Ok.

For a while now a Nigerian lady has been trending on X (former Twitter) because she tweeted that she started waking up at about 4:30 am to cook lunch for her husband who told her that his female colleague who has been sharing her lunch with him started bringing a second spoon for them to eat together.

I cringed after reading this story because she feels responsible for her husband's decision to expose himself to temptation and takes to cooking in order to not loose him.

Ladies does cooking for a man stop him from cheating

A few questions also came to my mind. Did her husband share the same spoon with his colleague before she started bringing a second spoon? How did they even get to the point of sharing food daily ? Why didn't he tell her earlier, I mean when he started eating with her? And where did he get the courage to tell his wife about it considering that he should have told her way before his colleague started bringing an extra spoon for him?

If food is a means by which your husband can be 'collected' then your husband should not expose himself to that temptation as well. I also think that it's manipulative to tell your spouse or partner what someone else is doing for you which they could do in that manner. It can make them feel less confident or insecure.

Cooking for one's husband is a good thing and it doesn't matter the time of the day you choose to do it. But the reason why the cooking is being done is important. Waking up at 4 am to cook because you are afraid that they will use food and 'collect' your husband in my opinion is an extra burden which is unnecessary. We work to keep a relationship alive every day and both parties have to do their own part. One person should not take the responsibility of keeping the other like women do with men.

To me the husband had the choice to decline the colleague's offer to share her food and kindly ask his wife to make him food so that he can go to work with. I know some men will ask 'what if the wife refuses if she's asked to make the food? ' but that's a conversation for another day.

What are your thoughts about this issue? Please share in the comments.

Over time, I've realised that it's so easy to relate seduction only to women. But how about men? Women are often the ones trying to seduce and keep men by all means. And the guys are just always chilled, watching her trying to work out her butt to make it sexy for him, to be skilled and cultured just to keep the flame of the relationship burning.

But most times, once the guy has got the girl, he really doesn't put in any more work to make sure he stays as romantic and cheerful as when he was courting her. I think men need to put some more work into seducing women too.

So dear men, we need to be seduced - too.

Dear Men, We (Women) Need To Be Seduced - Too.

Seduction should come from both sides of the relationship - male and female. I don't know about you but I get bored and tired when I'm not seduced.

I love a man who loves to take care of his body. It's sexy! He must not be the show-off type but let him love his body enough to want to maintain those abs or that flat tummy. Just like women make the effort to do the same.

On most blogs and articles about how to seduce a man, there is always the tip asking women to be confident in order to be sexy. How about male confidence for a woman to find that sexy?

How about putting on tight and short boxers while at home? Or to bed? Let's see some sexy, firm, black (or white) masculine butt and have a peep of the things we often only get to feel.

Huh, ladies? Isn't that sexy?

How about doing sexy things to catch our attention? I still want to see you look at me like you did when you first saw me, or on our first rendezvous, or the amazement I saw on your face when I first smiled at you, laughed or said yes to our first date.

We need to see it again. And again! Because that's what we fell in love with. That's what keeps us awake all night...yeah, thinking of how much you were looking forward to spending time with us.

Hold, carry, play, stare, caress, cuddle, love and just seduce us. For Christ's sake, it's not a crime!

Women deserve to be seduced just as men get seduced by women. We need men to make that effort for us.

Facebook is a social media site/application that helps people connect and share ideas, photos and videos.

Facebook has gradually become a place where all sorts of relationships have developed. From reunions to making new friends and even meeting life partners. It has also produced professional relationships as well as fraudulent ones called scams.

It (Facebook) has become the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's a place for people to make, create or destroy a reputation.

Despite its problems, some people still manage to find love there. Love can happen anywhere.
A lot of people use Facebook to find romantic relationships.

Personally, I don't like being asked out on Facebook. I think dating sites are meant for that. But if it has to be done on Facebook, then let it be done the right way.

Tips on how to create a romantic relationship on Facebook.

How To Find Love on Facebook in a mature way

Tips for guys: How to ask a girl out on Facebook

So you saw her gorgeous pictures on Facebook and want to try your luck? Here are some tips for you.

- Introduce yourself:

This is so very important. It shows politeness and genuineness. Introduce yourself with your name, location, profession, etc.

It's not enough that your name appears on your profile or that your messages come with your name above it. You need to introduce yourself like you would do to a girl you met on the road for the first time. It's polite. It also builds trust in the person you are talking to and makes her want to keep talking to you.

- Don't ask all personal information questions in a row:

What's your name? Age? Where are you from? What do you do? Are you married? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you live alone? Where are your parents? What... etc.

All at once? Please DON'T! It's not an interrogation! We are not at the police station. So slow down!

Imagine someone you have never met asking you such details about your life. You can ask her name and where she lives. Maybe go further to ask what she does. Just a basic introduction is necessary for a start. The rest you can discover in the course of another conversation.

- Start a conversation to build trust:

Yes, after you introduce yourself, you start a conversation.

To spark up a conversation;

* You can ask how her day went,

* Ask about the town in which she lives (how is *insert town's name* today, for how long have you been living in *insert town's name*),

*Compliment her (you are beautiful, I love your photos, I love your posts because they sound intelligent/useful, etc)

These ideas are meant to help her to get familiar and comfortable with you. It also makes you more interesting and easier to remember. Don't forget you may not be the only one asking her out on Facebook or even face to face.

Your conversations can go on for a few days but make it often and leave some offline messages in case you don't come online at the same time.

- Don't just assume but tell her how you feel about her:

It's time to let the cat out of the bag after building her trust. Tell her what you want from her. Let her know the feelings you have for her. Use the tricks you would normally use if you were able to see her. You can ask for a date or an outing with her to talk more about it. This approach makes you look more serious and mature. If she wants to go out with you on a date then you can ask for her number to make arrangements.

- Please, don't ask for sexy photos:

Or any even normal photos of her.

It's annoying.

Really.

She has lots of pictures on her profile that you can look at. If you are not yet that special to her then why should she send you other photos?

- And pleassssssssse, keep photos of your d**k to yourself:

Don't send photos of your cock. I beg you don't do this. She might likely stop the conversation or block you.

2. Tips for Ladies

I know that there are arguments on whether or not ladies should ask men out but it's already happening and some men do appreciate it. I think it's ok to do so depending on how it's done. So whether you are man-hunting or not here are a few tips you can use to find love on Facebook ladies.

- Check out his profile

- If he is the one 'toasting' you, ask him to introduce himself in case he doesn't.

- Make sure you know him a little before giving him your phone number or going to meet him face to face

- If you are the one doing the hunting then follow the tips I gave above for guys

I hope these tips help all the 'attackers' on Facebook to finally find love.

Today we need to talk about the type of men we let into our lives as African women. For a long time now we kept repeating certain mistakes our elders made because they didn't know better. But now we have to see the light and follow it.

It is essential to break that pattern of dating the worse category of men in your life (I feel like a pastor now). You can do this by avoiding this category of men.

Click here to watch the interesting video I made on this topic instead.

African Women, Stop Dating These Type Of Men

Guys who give you conditions to marry you

If they tell you that you should get pregnant before they marry you, please avoid them. Except that you are at a stage where you are ready for and want a baby already. A man is not obliged to marry you when you have a baby for him.

Don't listen to men who give you conditions before marriage even if it is your old or long-time boyfriend.

Guys who are dead broke and don't have a project in the pipeline

When a guy is broke and doesn't make any efforts to shape his future or use his potential then you should avoid him.

You need a man that can take care of you. Money is not everything in a relationship but it determines if your relationship will survive or not. So take note.

You can struggle and be patient with a guy who has nothing now but is on the road to making it in the near future. Being broke is not a crime but you need money to make your relationship graduate to the next level. What if you get pregnant? How do you take care of the baby? How do you even get married if he can't make money to pay your bride price?

Please, sis, avoid broke guys who are not making any effort to secure their future.

Guys that tell you they can't choose between you and another girl they are dating

If you meet a guy who tells you this, run for your dear life because he is a heartless man. Even if he says he loves you so much.

When a man loves a woman he doesn't put her through the trauma of trying to compete with another woman. And to imagine that he tells you this to your face! OMG.

When he can't decide you should be the one to leave his confused state of mind and not join him in ruining your life and wasting your time.

I shed more light on this topic in my video. You can click here to watch it and learn more.

So ladies, value yourselves enough to avoid or remove this kind of man from your lives. They are not good for you and you will go through a lot of hell if you keep staying with them.

I remember when I was a child how eager I wanted to grow up and become an adult. It seemed like such a long time then but here I am all grown up and wishing I was a child again. I miss being so carefree and innocent. Even though I have all the freedom I was seeking and I'm done with the dreaded 7:30am to 2:30pm school days.

I wanted to grow up and change the world. And no this is not cliché, I really meant it. It wasn't clear to me how I was going to do it but I wanted to be known as a life-changer; someone who brings change to people's lives in any way. My creative and innovative mind at the time proved that.

When I lost Myself...

Then time passed and adolescence came accompanied by the talks about boys and pregnancy and then marriage.

What bothers me so much at this stage of life is how all these talks come up suddenly when your menstruation begins. Menstruation is the last stage of the process of maturity in a girl, why not begin 'the sex and boys talk' way before it comes?

Anyway, this is the stage I automatically stopped feeling like a child. That was it I had become a woman. Just like that. Womanhood couldn't be complete without the presence of boys.

It was awkward to start getting male attention and dealing with it. It was normal to just sit there and wait for male attention as a teenager, I mean when all the advice you get is "concentrate on your books and forget about men" what else do you expect to do?

But when the rhythm changes to "you need to find a husband or at least a serious relationship so that you can get married by the time you graduate from school/university", then sitting on your bed and waiting is no longer the norm. Either directly or indirectly we ladies feel or hear or go through this sometime in our twenties. It really breaks my heart so much right now that girls even younger than twenty are feeling this pressure these days because this is the point where we girls begin to lose ourselves.

In my case, I met guys I really liked and that I was ready to do and go through almost anything to keep in my life. And in the course of this, little by little I forgot myself and only focused on pleasing them, meeting their expectations and becoming their dream girl. By the time I was done with one relationship, I was so empty. I had no self-esteem, no plans (since all my plans were made with them) and no future for myself. All I wanted was to find a better person to love me again so that my esteem would come back and my life will be better.

When I found myself.

That was the biggest lie I ever told myself. Yes, because every other relationship that I went in with the objective to get my self-esteem lifted and trying to be the perfect partner so that I can be loved unconditionally in return only made emptied me the more and made me feel worse. I walked out, even more, drained even though I got a few days, weeks or months of' happiness' from the relationship.

I realized that I couldn't please anyone completely and I only became less of myself when I please others. Pleasing others didn't help me in any way so why go on doing that?

That's when my priorities changed. I shifted the desire to please others to myself. I decided to be selfish in order to love for just a while. Then I realized just how much I had put aside in order to make others happy. My life, my dreams, my desire to change the world!

I let others change me instead. My desire to become the ideal girl made me nobody at the end of the day. I didn't know who I was and who I wanted to become, I lost my value and didn't know how to set boundaries. How would I set the boundary if I didn't know where to draw the line?

My prayer is for most young girls to know that they do not need to go into relationships ready to please a man so that he can love them better. You don't need to do that honey. Even if society makes you think that it's your submission, obedience, patience, tolerance and fulfilment of his every demand that'll make him be with you and make your relationship last forever. That's Bullsh*t!

Do you boo! Be yourself. Don't change who you are or suppress your dreams to make a relationship work.

Think of how energized and inspired you were before you started dating at all and go ahead and bring that energy back. What were your aspirations then? What did you want to become then? Who did you want to be? Do you have new dreams you want to pursue? Go ahead and pursue them and never give it up when you find love.

If somebody won't stay because you are being yourself & living your purpose then their love is not big enough!

How I Lost Myself Somewhere Along The Road Of Dating

I hope this inspires just one girl out there struggling like I did and needs to find her way back to who she really is.

I can hear Riri singing in wild thoughts in my ear right now lol.

I want to share with you a few 'wild' thoughts I used to have as a teenager concerning relationships.

Actually, they are more on the romantic side and thinking about them reminded me of Rihana's song wild thoughts.

My teenage self was inexperienced with relationships and could only dream of them.

Me spending loads of time with myself could have influenced that. I am an introvert and life is a repeat because I live almost every life scene in my head before it happens.

I also watched tv a lot and my favourite shows were the Brazillian series and Romantic music videos.

Most of all I read many romantic novels - Mills & Boon, Harlequin and Historical romance.

My Wild Thoughts

Wild Thoughts I Had about Relationships as a Teenager

1. Looking through the window, lost in thought, my lover comes, holds me from behind, squeezes me in his arms and I smile grabbing his arms around me.

Ha! Need I elaborate? This is the most romantic thought that haunted me. Maybe it still does. This dream has happened a number of times but not exactly the same way that I imagined it.

I wasn't standing by a window most of the times it happened but I think it's one of those moments that I can not get enough

2. Pulled and kissed preferably while I'm walking away.

I don't how many of us ladies are guilty of this. Please indicate in the comment section if you have imagined being pulled and insisted to be kissed by your dream guy because he couldn't wait any longer.

3. Imagine a cute celebrity I like wooing me and fighting every obstacle till he gets me

Dreaming is free and I made use of it. I could have Brad Pit, Eddy Murphy, Tyrese Gibson, Keath Sweat and Usher as I wanted, when I wanted and how I wanted.

Sorry, I know they are older now but I'm a 90s babe and those were some of my celebrity crushes then.

4. Melting in the arms of my crush, clinging to and exploring his perfect body as he plants his first kiss on my lips.

That's how I imagine my first kiss. Turned out I didn't even like it when it happened. I was even too scared to return it not to talk of digging into the kisser's body that was far from what I dreamt of.

Let's leave it there. It may not have happened as I thought, but those were really lovely moments in my head.

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Why You Need To Avoid That 'Special' Type Of Love

ARE YOU RUNNING OUT OF QUALITY FRIENDS?

The case of romantic relationships

So dear men, we need to be seduced - too.

Tips on how to create a romantic relationship on Facebook.

Tips for guys: How to ask a girl out on Facebook

- Introduce yourself:

- Don't ask all personal information questions in a row:

- Start a conversation to build trust:

- Don't just assume but tell her how you feel about her:

- Please, don't ask for sexy photos:

2. Tips for Ladies

African Women, Stop Dating These Type Of Men

Guys who give you conditions to marry you

Guys who are dead broke and don't have a project in the pipeline

Guys that tell you they can't choose between you and another girl they are dating

Understanding Your Partner's Love Language

How to know your lover's love language

Can you love them according to their love language?

It's Not A Crime To Spend Valentine's Day Alone

Why African Girls Go For Sugar Daddies

Money

Adventure

Disappointment from past relationships

Maturity

When I lost Myself...

When I found myself.

Love Songs That Marked My Teenage Year

1. Donell Jones - This Love

2. Keath Sweat - Not Ready

3. LSG - Love Hurts

4. Tyrese - How You Gonna Act Like That

5. LeAnn Rimes - How Do I Live Without You

6. Tony Braxton - In The Late Of Night

7. Brandy - Almost Doesn't Count

8. Joe - No One Else Comes Close

9. Baby Face - Reason for Breathing

10. Mariah Carrey - My All

KC & Joe Joe - Tell me it's real

My Wild Thoughts

1. Looking through the window, lost in thought, my lover comes, holds me from behind, squeezes me in his arms and I smile grabbing his arms around me.

2. Pulled and kissed preferably while I'm walking away.

3. Imagine a cute celebrity I like wooing me and fighting every obstacle till he gets me

4. Melting in the arms of my crush, clinging to and exploring his perfect body as he plants his first kiss on my lips.

Romantic songs to set the mood for Valentine's Day

Romantic songs to play while spending some chill quality time

1. Jamais jamais - Mr Leo

2. Ololufe - Flavour and Chidima

3. Strings of love - Richard Bona

4. Slow Jam - Usher and Monica

5. Everything I do I do it for you - Brandy

6. Oyi - Flavour and Tiwa Savage

7. After all is said and done - Beyoncé and Marc Nelson

8. Mad over you - Runtown

9. One love - Kaysha

10. Save the best for last - Vanessa Williams

11. Ballerina girl - Lionel Richie

12. Hello - Lionel Richie

13. Endless love - Lionel Richie and Diana Ross

14. I love you just the way you are - Peabo Bryson

15. Tonight I celebrate my love for you - Peabo Bryson and Robert Flack

16. You are everything - Marvin Gay and Diana Ross

17. Reunited - Peaches and Herb

18. No one else comes close - Joe

19. All that I am - Joe

20. Every time I close my eyes - Babyface

21. Said I love you - Babyface

22. Seven seas - Babyface

23. Back at one - Brian Mcknight

24. For you I will - Monica

25. Heaven sent - Keysha Cole

Romantic songs to play in the bedroom

26. Anointing - Mr Eazi

27. Dive In - Trey Songz

28. Do like that - Korede Bello

29. Let's get it on - Marvin Gay

30. Sexual healing Marvin Gay

31. I'll make love to you - Boys II Men

32. Body party - Ciara