Dating as a single mom is a journey unlike any other. In the past, dating felt natural and uncomplicated. It was just me and the person I was considering, and the decision revolved solely around our connection. Now, my reality as a mom requires me to factor in my motherhood status before making any decision about dating someone. It’s not just about me anymore; it’s about my children too.

Since separating from the toxic relationship I was in more than a year ago, dating has been an emotional rollercoaster. My approach and thoughts about relationships have shifted significantly. The lessons I’ve learned and the scars left behind from that experience have deeply impacted how I navigate love.

Reflecting on the Past

The toxic relationship I was in was my first encounter with narcissistic abuse—or so I believe. Coming out of it taught me some hard but invaluable lessons. I realized I needed to know myself better and love myself deeply to reduce the power of manipulation over me. I also learned that narcissistic people exist, and some individuals take pleasure in controlling others. This awareness made me more cautious about what and whom I allow into my life.

Another key takeaway was understanding how being a people pleaser can make you vulnerable to manipulation and abuse. I’ve since made it a priority to set boundaries and stand firm on them. This experience has made me trust less, especially early on in relationships. Having experienced love bombing, I now question someone’s intentions, even when they are genuinely kind. Sometimes I ask myself, “Why is this person so interested in me?” while simultaneously knowing it’s natural for them to be. It’s a strange dichotomy that I’m learning to navigate.

The healing process has been anything but linear. It has been hard, uneasy, and long. Triggers still occur at unexpected moments, even when I’ve felt certain that I’ve healed. There have been tears, adjustments, and readjustments as I’ve embraced new ways of dating. After years away from the dating scene, everything felt foreign at first.

The Emotional Ups and Downs of Dating as a Single Mom

Dating as a single mom comes with its own set of fears and challenges. There’s the fear of how a new relationship might affect my children. I fear being vulnerable with someone new or being rejected because I’m a mom. I’ve also worried about the scars of my past relationship making me seem less desirable. Motherhood brings its own imperfections, and I sometimes wonder if anyone will truly accept those parts of me.

Balancing the need to prioritize my children while also honouring my own needs has been challenging. I’ve noticed red flags early in some instances and walked away, a strength I’ve developed through experience. Yet, other times, I’ve found someone promising, but coordinating dates has been difficult because of my responsibilities with my kids. This has highlighted just how different dating now is compared to before motherhood.

An eye-opening moment for me was during a conversation where I realized that my priorities in a relationship are simple but deeply significant. This clarity has helped me immensely in navigating dating and has guided me to embrace open communication about my status as a single mom right from the start.

Approaching Love Differently

This time, I’m approaching love with more intention and self-awareness. Here are some key lessons and strategies that have shaped my journey:

1. Communicating Honestly: I make it a point to communicate my expectations and my reality as a mom early on. This allows the other person to decide if they want to proceed, ensuring transparency and mutual understanding.

2. Prioritizing Boundaries: Setting and communicating boundaries has been crucial. I no longer tolerate situations or behaviors that don’t align with my values or well-being.

3. Focusing on Shared Values: It’s important to me to find someone with values that align with mine. This makes it easier to integrate them into my life and, potentially, my children’s lives.

4. Learning to Trust Again: While trust is harder to give, I’m learning to trust my instincts and not let past experiences entirely cloud my judgment. I’ve grown better at spotting red flags and recognizing genuine intentions.

5. Embracing Self-Growth: I’ve committed to working on myself physically, mentally, intellectually, and financially. This ensures that I’m ready for a healthy relationship when I meet the right person. I’m also determined not to come across as a burden but as a whole and confident individual.

Hope for the Future

Finding love as a single mom isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible. It’s important to embrace the process and take your time. One thing I’ve learned is to be comfortable with being alone so that I don’t feel frustrated if I don’t find someone right away. Love is not a do-or-die matter; it should add value to your life, not define it.

When I first started dating again, I felt pressure to act a certain way, say the right things, or dress perfectly. Over time, I’ve learned to relax and let things flow naturally. The anxiety has eased, and dating now feels less overwhelming. If you’re just starting out, know that this adjustment period is normal. Take it at your own pace and trust that it will get easier with time.

Final Thoughts

Dating after a toxic relationship and as a single mom has been a journey of growth, resilience, and learning. I’m still figuring things out, but every experience, good or bad, has taught me something valuable. While there’s plenty of dating advice floating around—some helpful, some not—the most important thing is to stay true to yourself and your values.

For any single moms out there considering dating again, remember: that you are worthy of love, and it’s okay to take your time. Prioritize your healing, growth, and happiness, and trust that the right person will come along when the time is right.

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