Things don't always go the way we want them but that's life. For perfectionists like me, it's a big deal to accept that we can't get things just the way we want them.

Stop Blaming Yourself Dear Perfectionist!

Meet the Perfectionist - Me

I'm a perfectionist to the core and those who know me do know that. I can't count the lectures I have received on how to be less of a perfectionist. But you just don't know when your perfectionist DNA becomes dominant again and you don't feel like you are doing enough or giving your best or being your best!

Yes in our world it's all about being the best! Being the best friend, the best daughter, son, brother, sister, niece, auntie, mum, lover, you name it!

Sighs...

We also want to be the best employee, entrepreneur, make the best products, want it to be perfect, with no mistakes, wanting it to be smooth and easy for those we are making it for.

It sounds like too much work (and hell yes it's a lot of work) but we get used to it as that's the only way we know to do things or live!

When things don't go as planned!

What's even more exhausting is when things don't turn out perfect and then we start blaming ourselves for it.

Self-blame is very common among perfectionists. We don't know any other way to do things if not perfect so you can't blame us.

I personally feel like I'm stupid when I don't get the perfect results. I feel like I'm the dumbest when I make mistakes. It's always my fault because I missed a tiny detail!

Yes, it's always about the tiny details. Because it has got to be perfect and different.

When I get into the self-blame mood I:

- Feel blocked

I can't advance in that domain till I get over that feeling because of the shame I feel for making a mistake.

- Want to delete the error I made.

Wipe it from people's minds if possible! Let them never remember it!

- I think people think I'm dumb too

puff...

- Hate me for being a fool/stupid

I wish I were not me.

- Lose confidence in myself.

I don't feel good about myself anymore. I don't even believe the compliments I get.

But I've learned that life is not perfect!

I'm learning to accept my mistakes and I'm reminding myself that that is why pencils have erasers after all.

We all make mistakes! So I shouldn't beat myself mentally just because I added a drop to the ocean of mistakes people make in the world every day!

I'm realising that mistakes are opportunities for me to learn. Learn about myself (how I manage my mistakes), the people around me (do they support me or fan the flame of my shame) and who I want to be (I emerge as a stronger version of myself).

So I'm learning to realise that accepting that we (perfectionists) can make mistakes and this is setting me free!

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Recently, I was dealing with not being motivated to do anything for my business. It's a very bad place to be in and it may make you want to give up everything you have worked so hard for.

I decided to do a post on how I went through my lack of motivation which went on for almost a year! Yeah, that long. In this post, I am also sharing tips on how I got out of it and bounced back again.

How to Re-boost your Motivation as an Entrepreneur

The 'lack of motivation' syndrome

Let's describe how it feels to not be motivated by your business.

You wake up in the morning and you know what you should be doing but you don't want to do it. That's just the basic feeling when you lack motivation. Then you feel drained of energy even before you start a task. Also, you are discouraged and ask yourself what's the point everytime you are working on a project. Honestly, I felt so much better not thinking of my business at the time because of the guilt I had for not making any efforts in that domain of my life.

I used to be extremely motivated and managed to get things done no matter what in the past. And later it was the total contrary.

My lack of motivation scared me. Yes, it did! I thought it was never going to end, considering how long it lasted. But it's back now and I feel as charged as I used to be to achieve my business goals!

The Cure

So moments like these should not scare you that much or get you to think that you can't make it. It's a phase of your entrepreneur life and you will experience many of them, just that the intensity will vary.

My lack of motivation was severe as I went for almost a year without producing nor planning for my business. Aside the fact that I was a student and school was taking my time, I didn't feel motivated anymore. All I did was to wish for things to happen or wish to be motivated once more.

And yes I lost customers. You know that is the thing with being a sole proprietor. Everything depends on you and everything you do affects your business (reminds me of my secondary school economics lessons on the advantages and disadvantages of sole proprietorship).

When my motivation came back, it was like starting afresh. That was not so long ago. I'm now working on getting new customers and building my brand again.

I have had other periods when I lacked motivation recently and this has been mostly because of the discouragement from not having desired results after putting in so much effort.

Here are my tips to deal with a lack of motivation as an entrepreneur.

1. It's OK to feel discouraged.

If you feel discouraged and not motivated, it's OK! You can't be motivated all the time. You are human to feel bad when things don't work out as you want or expected. So accept your present mood and remember that you are just being human.

2. Take a break.

Give yourself a break. It's a break to not think about your projects for even just a day. Don't try to force things or you may keep getting more discouraged and disappointed since you are not putting in your best and you can't think more objectively.

3. Find out the problem

You could no longer be motivated because you overworked yourself like in my case. It could also be because you don't feel skilful enough to do things. You may also lack motivation because you are afraid of not doing things right or not being able to meet expectations. It could also be a lack of support from friends and family or negativity from your customers in relation to your goods or services.

You need to find out the source of your discouragement to know how to deal with it.

4. Adress the problem

Face the reason why you lack motivation.

- If they are negative customers accept the critics that are true and decide to work on them.

- If it's lack of support from family and friends then talk to them and ask for their support or give them a reason to support you by working even harder to achieve your dreams.

- If you don't feel skilful enough then start researching and learning. You can also find someone more experienced to help out with what you can't do. Remember that you can't know and do everything.

- If you are discouraged as a result of overworking yourself, a break will be nice for starters. You can try to take a short holiday so that your mind relaxes as well.

5. Consume motivating content

Read, watch and listen to motivational write-ups, videos and speeches. This will do you a lot of good. There is nothing more comforting than to know that our case is not different and someone else is or has been through what we are experiencing. You may find someone who's wording will uplift your spirit and your desire and motivation will start building up once more. So feed yourself with positivity. As much as you can get.

6. Self-motivation talk

Talk to yourself and face your fears that have discouraged you. Tell your lack or motivation self that you are only going through a phase that will soon be over. Also, tell yourself that you can get back to how motivated you used to be because you are working towards it.

7. Take steps to go back to work

Talk is good but it still doesn't get things done. You need to make little plans and enjoy the feeling of accomplishing little tasks.

Take baby steps towards working on your business again. Take it slow and don't pressure yourself. I hope you get your motivation back soonest.

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Markets, where Okrika is sold in Cameroon, are not the most organised so you have to dress for the situation when going there. You will most probably be standing or bending down to find the best clothes and shoes all by yourself (yes oh, that's why it's called 'bend-boutique'). It could be sunny or rainy, muddy or dusty in the market.

From my experience, here are some tips to help you when you go to a Cameroonian market to buy Okrika.

How To Dress When Shopping Okirika (Thrifts) In A Cameroonian Market

- You need to dress comfortably.

Wear flats! Sandals or slippers, but let them be flats. You wouldn't want to walk through the market in heels and uncomfortable shoes because it will be tiring. You may also be standing for long hours trying to select the best items from the heaps of clothes and shoes. Let your clothes be free and flexible too.

- Don't dress or look too expensive to avoid being overcharged.

It doesn't mean that if you look shabby and unkempt they will begin to give you things for free. But looking too dope and stylish may influence the price of the goods you will buy because you may be charged higher than others (since you look capable). Just try to dress simple or average.

- Your dressing should permit you to try on clothes in the market

You may need to try a few clothes so do wear clothes like slim pants, long skirts or gowns that will enable you to easily try on something on them or under them without necessarily undressing.

NB: Always ask the vendor before you try things on because not all of them will let you do so.

- Protect yourself from the sun/rain

Wear long sleeves, sunglasses and hats to protect yourself from the sun. When the weather is too hot go for white or brighter colours or you may bake in the heat. Take an umbrella and an extra pullover if you are in the rainy season. There might be some unpleasant stormy surprises.

The best outfits to consider wearing are jeans, maxi gowns or skirts.
I hope these tips are helpful to you when you go shopping Okrika.

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Stop Blaming Yourself, Dear Perfectionist!

Meet the Perfectionist - Me

When things don't go as planned!

When I get into the self-blame mood I:

- Feel blocked

- Want to delete the error I made.

- I think people think I'm dumb too

- Hate me for being a fool/stupid

- Lose confidence in myself.

But I've learned that life is not perfect!

CONVERSATION

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How to Eliminate Negative Self-talk

The Effects of Negative Self-Talk

Be Your Own Cheerleader!

CONVERSATION

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