Things don't always go the way we want them but that's life. For perfectionists like me, it's a big deal to accept that we can't get things just the way we want them.
Meet the Perfectionist - Me
I'm a perfectionist to the core and those who know me do know that. I can't count the lectures I have received on how to be less of a perfectionist. But you just don't know when your perfectionist DNA becomes dominant again and you don't feel like you are doing enough or giving your best or being your best!
Yes in our world it's all about being the best! Being the best friend, the best daughter, son, brother, sister, niece, auntie, mum, lover, you name it!
Sighs...
We also want to be the best employee, entrepreneur, make the best products, want it to be perfect, with no mistakes, wanting it to be smooth and easy for those we are making it for.
It sounds like too much work (and hell yes it's a lot of work) but we get used to it as that's the only way we know to do things or live!
When things don't go as planned!
What's even more exhausting is when things don't turn out perfect and then we start blaming ourselves for it.
Self-blame is very common among perfectionists. We don't know any other way to do things if not perfect so you can't blame us.
I personally feel like I'm stupid when I don't get the perfect results. I feel like I'm the dumbest when I make mistakes. It's always my fault because I missed a tiny detail!
Yes, it's always about the tiny details. Because it has got to be perfect and different.
When I get into the self-blame mood I:
- Feel blocked
I can't advance in that domain till I get over that feeling because of the shame I feel for making a mistake.
- Want to delete the error I made.
Wipe it from people's minds if possible! Let them never remember it!
- I think people think I'm dumb too
puff...
- Hate me for being a fool/stupid
I wish I were not me.
- Lose confidence in myself.
I don't feel good about myself anymore. I don't even believe the compliments I get.
But I've learned that life is not perfect!
I'm learning to accept my mistakes and I'm reminding myself that that is why pencils have erasers after all.
We all make mistakes! So I shouldn't beat myself mentally just because I added a drop to the ocean of mistakes people make in the world every day!
I'm realising that mistakes are opportunities for me to learn. Learn about myself (how I manage my mistakes), the people around me (do they support me or fan the flame of my shame) and who I want to be (I emerge as a stronger version of myself).
So I'm learning to realise that accepting that we (perfectionists) can make mistakes and this is setting me free!
It takes a lot to overcome being a perfectionist. Something I'm definitely working on it. Part of it comes with realising I cannot control everything, which can be difficult. But everything is a work in progress.
ReplyDeletexx,
Aitza B | petitelypackaged.com
Indeed it's work in progress Aitza
DeleteThanks for sharing your experience dear!
I'm a super perfectionist. Like, a won't-even-bother-doing-something-if-it-won't-be-perfect perfectionist, lol. Great advice in your post :)
ReplyDelete-Jacqueline
http://jackieomy.blogspot.ca
LOl yeah Jackie, Like a 'Why even do something if it won't come out perfect' kind of thing.
DeleteI feel that way too sometimes and it stops me from doing a lot of things.
Thanks for commenting dear
Great article, you are wright !
ReplyDeleteLike you, I am a perfectionist and I think that we must learn to accept that everything can't be perfect:)
xx
Unfortunately for us that's true!
DeleteThis is SO me! I am such a perfectionist and it is exhausting. As a mom to young kids I am really trying to reign it in as I don't want to pass that along to them. So tough!
ReplyDeleteYeah, It can be tough being a perfectionist
DeleteIts funny how you know it is a problem but it's still hard to not be a perfectionist
Thank you for putting things into perspective. Sometimes we get too caught up trying to make things perfect down to the most minute details. "I'm realising that mistakes are opportunities for me to learn" love this line <3
ReplyDeleteThanks Steph
DeleteAnd yes we struggle to get all the details right meanwhile others may not care that it's not perfectly done!
I am so bad with this. I get paranoid that people will judge me and want to do too much, then I end up stressing myself out and shutting down. Thanks for the reminders.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, you judge yourself before others do
Deletethis happens to me a lot.
I'm glad you found this useful dear
This really hits home! I am definitely a perfectionist/control freak.. In my recent journey, it's so easy to blame myself for things not going according to my plan... This just causes more stress and more blame.. Thank you for sharing..
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome Sabrina
DeleteThank you for your honesty! As a teacher I have officially thrown "perfection" out of my vocabulary lol I see this idea a lot with students and it is so tough for them to see the bigger picture, "accept their mistakes" and see what they can gain from each situation. I appreciate you speaking candidly about this perfectionist mindset, it is real and can drive you crazy, if you let it!
ReplyDeleteIndeed it can. Thank you very much Saisha
DeleteLoved that quote, if you stumble, make it part of the dance!
ReplyDeleteI am a perfectionist as well, and this is a HUGE problem. If I can't get something right, I usually put it on the back burner until I have time to perfect it. The problem is, I leave it there for a long time! I'm trying to do better at letting go of being OCD perfect, and work with myself on staying focused until the job is done! Glad to know I'm not alone!
I'm glad to know I'm not alone too Tatanisha
DeleteThanks for commenting dear
This is such a relatable post. I sometimes battle with this and then I have to remind myself no one is perfect. You can only give your best.
ReplyDeleteThat's true my dear
DeleteI work for a perfectionist. It is not fun at all. Sometimes I just want to up and leave.
ReplyDeleteHahaha
DeleteI can imagine Kim
I am not nor will I ever be a perfectionist. I feel like I thrive in the imperfect. I do my best and everything works out.
ReplyDeleteThat's good Kita
DeleteI'm a bit OCD and sometimes that can be the thief of joy. I try to check myself and keep it pushing. Otherwise it can become a time suck.
ReplyDeleteThat's true Mimi. It really sucks
DeleteGreat advice. Blaming ourselves for our mistakes can sometimes create limiting beliefs in our own mind.
ReplyDeleteYes Jay
DeleteThat can really limit us.
Thanks.
I wouldn't consider myself a perfectionist but I think we all sometimes beat ourselves up if something does not go as planned but the key is to not think this way all the time time or we most certainly be miserable because as we know life is far from perfect.
ReplyDeleteVery far from perfect dear! Thanks for commenting
DeleteThis is so me. It's hard not to take things personally when you care about what you do so profoundly, but im learning how to seperate myself because I can't control everything, which is the very nature of life.
ReplyDeleteTrying heard to be like water.
Yes Ayak, we can't control everything
DeleteThanks for commenting dear