How I Lost Myself Somewhere Along The Road Of Dating

I remember when I was a child how eager I wanted to grow up and become an adult. It seemed like such a long time then but here I am all grown up and wishing I was a child again. I miss being so carefree and innocent. Even though I have all the freedom I was seeking and I'm done with the dreaded 7:30am to 2:30pm school days.

I wanted to grow up and change the world. And no this is not cliché, I really meant it. It wasn't clear to me how I was going to do it but I wanted to be known as a life-changer; someone who brings change to people's lives in any way. My creative and innovative mind at the time proved that.

Then time passed and adolescence came accompanied by the talks about boys and pregnancy and then marriage. 

What bothers me so much at this stage of life is how all these talks come up suddenly when your menstruation begins. Menstruation is the last stage of the process of maturity in a girl, why not begin 'the sex and boys talk' way before it comes? 

Anyway, this is the stage I automatically stopped feeling like a child. That was it I had become a woman. Just like that. Womanhood couldn't be complete without the presence of boys. 

It was awkward to start getting male attention and dealing with it. It was normal to just sit there and wait for male attention as a teenager, I mean when all the advice you get is "concentrate on your books and forget about men" what else do you expect to do? 

But when the rhythm changes to "you need to find a husband or at least a serious relationship so that you can get married by the time you graduate from school/university", then sitting on your bed and waiting is no longer the norm. Either directly or indirectly we ladies feel or hear or go through this sometime in our twenties. It really breaks my heart so much right now that girls even younger than twenty are feeling this pressure these days because this is the point where we girls begin to lose ourselves.

In my case, I met guys I really liked and that I was ready to do and go through almost anything to keep in my life. And in the course of this, little by little I forgot myself and only focused on pleasing them, meeting their expectations and becoming their dream girl. By the time I was done with one relationship, I was so empty. I had no self-esteem, no plans (since all my plans were made with them) and no future for myself. All I wanted was to find a better person to love me again so that my esteem would come back and my life will be better.

That was the biggest lie I ever told myself. Yes, because every other relationship that I went in with the objective to get my self-esteem lifted and trying to be the perfect partner so that I can be loved unconditionally in return only made emptied me the more and made me feel worse. I walked out, even more, drained even though I got a few days, weeks or months of' happiness' from the relationship. 

I realized that I couldn't please anyone completely and I only became less of myself when I please others. Pleasing others didn't help me in any way so why go on doing that?

That's when my priorities changed. I shifted the desire to please others to myself. I decided to be selfish in order to love for just a while. Then I realized just how much I had put aside in order to make others happy. My life, my dreams, my desire to change the world!

I let others change me instead. My desire to become the ideal girl made me nobody at the end of the day. I didn't know who I was and who I wanted to become, I lost my value and didn't know how to set boundaries. How would I set the boundary if I didn't know where to draw the line?

My prayer is for most young girls to know that they do not need to go into relationships ready to please a man so that he can love them better. You don't need to do that honey. Even if society makes you think that it's your submission, obedience, patience, tolerance and fulfilment of his every demand that'll make him be with you and make your relationship last forever. That's Bullsh*t! 

Do you boo! Be yourself. Don't change who you are or suppress your dreams to make a relationship work.

Think of how energized and inspired you were before you started dating at all and go ahead and bring that energy back. What were your aspirations then? What did you want to become then? Who did you want to be? Do you have new dreams you want to pursue? Go ahead and pursue them and never give it up when you find love.

If somebody won't stay because you are being yourself & living your purpose then their love is not big enough!

 

I hope this inspires just one girl out there struggling like I did and needs to find her way back to who she really is.