How I Styled My Short Hair with Relaxer and Gel: A Low-Maintenance Journey

Earlier this year, I made the decision to cut my hair. Life was hectic, especially with school runs for my kids, and I wanted a hairstyle that required minimal effort. I didn’t want to spend time combing, brushing, or even checking the mirror before stepping out of the house. Cutting my hair felt like the perfect solution to reduce stress in my routine.

After the big chop, I experimented with different hair colours, but eventually, I decided to no longer colour my hair. Still, I wanted to add style to my look, so I created curls with my short hair. At first, I doubted that I could achieve this using a regular relaxer, as I’d heard there were relaxers specifically designed for curls. But since I couldn’t find one, I decided to use Dark and Lovely hair relaxer because it doesn’t make hair overly thin after relaxing.

Here’s the step-by-step process I followed to achieve beautiful curls with my short hair:

How to Create Curls on Short Hair Using Relaxer and Gel

1. Prepare Your Hair and Relaxer

   • Start with freshly shaved or very short hair.
   • Mix the relaxer with the activator according to the instructions on the packaging. I used the Dark and Lovely relaxer because it’s gentle on hair and doesn’t overly thin it after use.

2. Apply the Relaxer

   • Use your hands to evenly rub the relaxer mixture into your hair. Be sure to cover all areas.
   • Comb through the hair gently to monitor the softening process. The goal is to achieve a "half-relaxed" state where the hair is softer but not fully straightened.

3. Wash Out the Relaxer

   • Once the hair feels softer and halfway relaxed, rinse out the relaxer thoroughly with water. Follow up with a neutralizing shampoo to stop the relaxing process and protect your scalp.

4. Style with Gel

   • Pat your hair dry with a towel but leave it slightly damp.
   • Apply a generous amount of hair gel to your palms. I used Eco Gel, alternating between the regular gel and the gel for curls.
   • Rub the gel onto your hair in circular motions with your hands. This technique helps the hair form natural-looking curls.

5. Smooth and Shine

• Once the curls are formed, smooth the edges or style your hair as desired.
• Add a small amount of hair oil for shine and extra hydration.

Why I Loved This Hairstyle

This curly short hairstyle was everything I needed at the time. It was incredibly low-maintenance, stylish, and easy to achieve. I didn’t need to spend time combing or brushing, and it gave me the confidence to step out quickly and still feel put together.

Though I’m now in the process of growing my hair back to start plaiting again, I sometimes miss the convenience and simplicity of my short, curly hair. If you’re looking for a quick and stylish way to manage short hair, I highly recommend giving this method a try! You don't need to curl it every day. Some days you can comb it out and then curl it when you want. 

Have you ever tried a similar hairstyle, or do you have tips for managing short hair? Share your thoughts in the comments below—I’d love to hear from you!

For centuries, the world has told African women who we are supposed to be. We’ve been handed scripts that confine us to limited roles—the caregiver, the silent supporter, the woman who sacrifices her dreams for the sake of others. But those narratives no longer serve us. They are not the full story of who we are or who we can become.

Dear ambitious African woman, it’s time to rewrite the narrative. It’s time to craft a story that reflects our strength, intelligence, beauty, and determination. A story that says we can achieve anything we set our minds to while honouring our culture and embracing modernity.

Challenge Limiting Beliefs

The first step in rewriting the narrative is to recognize the limiting beliefs that have been passed down through generations. These beliefs tell us that women can only thrive in the shadow of a man, that ambition is unattractive, or that success comes at the cost of family. These ideas are not facts; they are opinions rooted in outdated systems.

We must reject the notion that we have to choose between being a mother or a career woman, between being respected or independent. We can be both. We can be all. We can be educated, pursue thriving careers, lead in our communities, and still be loving mothers and wives. We can own our independence while welcoming healthy partnerships. We can build wealth and still honour our cultural values.

Steps to Break Free from Limiting Expectations

1. Define Your Own Success: Success doesn’t have a single definition. For one woman, it might mean building a multimillion-dollar company; for another, it might mean raising confident and compassionate children. Decide what success looks like for you and pursue it unapologetically.

2. Educate Yourself: Knowledge is power. Whether it’s formal education, skill acquisition, or self-directed learning, invest in your growth. Education gives you the tools to navigate and challenge societal expectations.

3. Plan and Act: Don’t wait for permission to pursue your dreams. Make a plan and start taking steps toward your goals. Even small actions build momentum over time.

4. Surround Yourself with Positivity: Build a supportive community of like-minded women who inspire and uplift you. Distance yourself from people or environments that discourage ambition or belittle your aspirations.

5. Embrace Your Duality: You can be strong and nurturing, independent and collaborative, modern and traditional. Being multifaceted is a strength, not a contradiction.

6. Advocate for Change: Use your voice to challenge norms and systems that hinder women’s progress. Whether it’s in your workplace, community, or home, speak up and advocate for equality and opportunity.

Celebrate African Women Redefining Success

Look around, and you’ll see countless African women rewriting the narrative every day. Women like Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, who became Africa’s first elected female head of state. Women like Bonang Matheba, built a media empire while promoting African excellence on a global stage. Women like you, are breaking barriers in their own unique ways.

We are no longer defined by struggle or lack. We are creators, innovators, and leaders. We are women who can run companies, own properties, and raise confident children. We are women who embrace beauty with brains, modernity with culture, and independence with community.

The New Narrative

The new narrative says African women can have it all—on our terms. We can dream big, work hard, and achieve greatness. We can respect our culture while creating a future that reflects our aspirations. We are no longer waiting for aid or handouts; we are building, trading, and transforming our communities. We are strong-willed, intelligent, and capable of making our own decisions.

Dear ambitious African woman, this is your time. Your voice matters, your dreams are valid, and your potential is limitless. Rewrite the narrative. Take up space. Lead with courage. And remember, when you rewrite your story, you inspire countless others to do the same.

In a world where African women are often underrepresented, it can feel daunting to speak up, share your ideas, and advocate for yourself. The spaces you occupy might not always feel welcoming, and the societal pressure to stay in the background can be overwhelming. But here’s the truth: your voice matters. Your ideas, skills, and courage have the power to create change and leave a lasting impact. You are not just part of the conversation; you can lead it.

Why Your Voice Matters

Throughout history, African women have been the backbone of their communities. From leading movements to shaping cultures, women have always played vital roles. However, these contributions are often overlooked or undervalued. Speaking up ensures that your unique perspective is heard and acknowledged. Your voice can:

• Inspire Change: By sharing your story or standing up for what’s right, you inspire others to do the same.
• Break Barriers: When you advocate for yourself and others, you pave the way for future generations.
• Empower Communities: Your courage to speak up can spark movements that uplift and empower entire communities.

Stories of African Women Making an Impact

Across the continent, countless women are defying the odds and making their voices heard. From Nobel laureates like Wangari Maathai, who used her voice to fight for environmental conservation, to young changemakers like Vanessa Nakate, who advocates for climate action, African women are proving that their voices matter.

Consider women in your own community who are making a difference—the teacher empowering young girls to pursue education, the entrepreneur creating jobs, or the activist challenging harmful practices. These women remind us that impact doesn’t always require a global stage. Change often starts with the courage to speak up in your immediate environment.

Finding and Amplifying Your Voice

If you’ve ever doubted the power of your voice, now is the time to change that narrative. Here are some practical steps to help you find and amplify your voice:

1. Embrace Your Worth: Recognize that your ideas, experiences, and talents are valuable. You have something unique to offer, and the world needs your perspective.

2. Educate Yourself: Knowledge is power. Equip yourself with the information and skills needed to confidently speak on the issues that matter to you.

3. Start Small: You don’t have to address a crowd of thousands to make an impact. Begin by speaking up in meetings, sharing your ideas with friends, or writing about your thoughts online.

4. Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who believe in you and encourage you to speak up. Join networks of like-minded women who are also finding their voices.

5. Challenge Intimidation: Don’t let fear or intimidation silence you. Remember that no one else can bring your unique perspective to the table. Practice speaking with confidence, even in the face of opposition.

6. Advocate for Others: Use your voice to uplift others. Speak out against injustice and advocate for those who may not yet feel empowered to do so themselves.

7. Be Consistent: Making an impact requires persistence. Keep speaking up, even when it feels like no one is listening. Your consistency will eventually lead to change.

Becoming an Institution

When you use your voice to create meaningful impact, you become more than just a participant—you become an institution. Institutions are built on legacy, influence, and the courage to lead. By consistently showing up, sharing your talents, and advocating for what you believe in, you solidify your place as a changemaker in your community and beyond.

Speak Up, Shine Bright

Dear ambitious African woman, the world needs your brilliance. Don’t let societal expectations or fear of judgment dim your light. Let your skills, talents, and voice shine. Speak up against what isn’t favourable, advocate for what matters to you, and leave a legacy of courage and impact.

You have the power to inspire change and pave the way for others. Whether you’re leading a business, raising a family, or advocating for justice, your voice is your tool to make a difference. Use it boldly and unapologetically.

Remember, you are not just living for today—you are setting the foundation for future generations. Speak up, stand tall, and show the world the strength and brilliance of the ambitious African woman.

As a modern African woman, you might feel the pressure to meet these expectations while also trying to pursue your true interests and dreams. Breaking free from traditional career paths is about finding your own voice and shaping a life that aligns with your passions, values, and goals. Let’s explore how you can do just that.  

What Does Success Mean to You?

• Does success mean financial independence and being able to support your family without stress?
• Is it making an impact in your community and creating change where it’s needed?
• Or is it doing something you love, something that brings you joy every single day?

Your definition of success is personal, and it doesn’t have to fit into anyone else’s box. For some, it might involve climbing the corporate ladder. For others, it might mean starting a business, pursuing art, or making a difference through activism. 

The Limitations of Traditional Career Expectations

In many African cultures, career options were historically limited by societal norms and access to education. As a result, many women grew up with a narrow understanding of what was possible.

• Respectable careers like medicine, law, and teaching were/are highly valued.
• Technical skills like hairdressing, carpentry, or tailoring were/are often considered fallback options for those who "didn’t do well in school."
• Creative industries and modern fields like digital marketing, content creation, or tech startups were/are rarely seen as viable paths.

This mindset limits ambition, forcing many women to settle for careers they don’t love or that don’t fully utilize their potential.

Embracing Diverse Opportunities

Today, opportunities are endless, and it’s up to you to explore them. As the world becomes more connected, African women have access to global knowledge, new industries, and tools to create their own paths. Here are steps to embrace these opportunities:

1. Explore New Industries:
   Look into fields that may not have been common in your community, such as technology, entrepreneurship, digital marketing, or fashion design. Research how these industries work and identify areas where you could thrive.

2. Identify Your Skills and Interests:
   Think about what you’re naturally good at and what excites you. Whether it’s organizing events, solving problems, or creating content, there’s likely a career path that matches your skills.

3. Learn Continuously:
   Don’t let a lack of experience stop you. Take advantage of free or affordable online courses, attend workshops, or find mentors who can guide you in your chosen field.

4. Be Bold:
   Stepping away from traditional paths requires courage. You might face criticism or doubt from those around you, but stay focused on your goals and trust in your abilities.

How to Redefine Success

1. Align Your Career with Your Passion and Goals:
   A fulfilling career should not only help you earn a living but also support your long-term dreams.

2. Balance Financial Needs and Personal Fulfillment:
   While pursuing your passion is important, financial stability is key. If your dream career isn’t immediately profitable, consider starting with a side hustle or combining it with a more stable income source.

3. Focus on Your Impact:
   Success isn’t just about personal gain; it’s also about giving back. Think about how your career can contribute to your community or inspire others.

The Journey to a Fulfilling Career

Redefining success takes time, effort, and self-discovery. It’s okay to experiment and try different paths until you find the one that fits. Be patient with yourself and embrace the process of growth.

As a modern African woman, you have the power to break free from outdated expectations and design a life that reflects your true potential. The world is waiting for you to bring your unique talents and ideas.

Final Thoughts

The future belongs to African women who are bold enough to dream beyond societal limits and brave enough to pursue those dreams. Whether you’re starting fresh or pivoting to a new career, remember: that success is yours to define.

Take the first step today. Reflect on what matters most, explore opportunities, and build a career that aligns with your ambitions. You have what it takes to create a fulfilling and impactful life—go for it!

Dating as a single mom is a journey unlike any other. In the past, dating felt natural and uncomplicated. It was just me and the person I was considering, and the decision revolved solely around our connection. Now, my reality as a mom requires me to factor in my motherhood status before making any decision about dating someone. It’s not just about me anymore; it’s about my children too.

Since separating from the toxic relationship I was in more than a year ago, dating has been an emotional rollercoaster. My approach and thoughts about relationships have shifted significantly. The lessons I’ve learned and the scars left behind from that experience have deeply impacted how I navigate love.

Reflecting on the Past

The toxic relationship I was in was my first encounter with narcissistic abuse—or so I believe. Coming out of it taught me some hard but invaluable lessons. I realized I needed to know myself better and love myself deeply to reduce the power of manipulation over me. I also learned that narcissistic people exist, and some individuals take pleasure in controlling others. This awareness made me more cautious about what and whom I allow into my life.

Another key takeaway was understanding how being a people pleaser can make you vulnerable to manipulation and abuse. I’ve since made it a priority to set boundaries and stand firm on them. This experience has made me trust less, especially early on in relationships. Having experienced love bombing, I now question someone’s intentions, even when they are genuinely kind. Sometimes I ask myself, “Why is this person so interested in me?” while simultaneously knowing it’s natural for them to be. It’s a strange dichotomy that I’m learning to navigate.

The healing process has been anything but linear. It has been hard, uneasy, and long. Triggers still occur at unexpected moments, even when I’ve felt certain that I’ve healed. There have been tears, adjustments, and readjustments as I’ve embraced new ways of dating. After years away from the dating scene, everything felt foreign at first.

The Emotional Ups and Downs of Dating as a Single Mom

Dating as a single mom comes with its own set of fears and challenges. There’s the fear of how a new relationship might affect my children. I fear being vulnerable with someone new or being rejected because I’m a mom. I’ve also worried about the scars of my past relationship making me seem less desirable. Motherhood brings its own imperfections, and I sometimes wonder if anyone will truly accept those parts of me.

Balancing the need to prioritize my children while also honouring my own needs has been challenging. I’ve noticed red flags early in some instances and walked away, a strength I’ve developed through experience. Yet, other times, I’ve found someone promising, but coordinating dates has been difficult because of my responsibilities with my kids. This has highlighted just how different dating now is compared to before motherhood.

An eye-opening moment for me was during a conversation where I realized that my priorities in a relationship are simple but deeply significant. This clarity has helped me immensely in navigating dating and has guided me to embrace open communication about my status as a single mom right from the start.

Approaching Love Differently

This time, I’m approaching love with more intention and self-awareness. Here are some key lessons and strategies that have shaped my journey:

1. Communicating Honestly: I make it a point to communicate my expectations and my reality as a mom early on. This allows the other person to decide if they want to proceed, ensuring transparency and mutual understanding.

2. Prioritizing Boundaries: Setting and communicating boundaries has been crucial. I no longer tolerate situations or behaviors that don’t align with my values or well-being.

3. Focusing on Shared Values: It’s important to me to find someone with values that align with mine. This makes it easier to integrate them into my life and, potentially, my children’s lives.

4. Learning to Trust Again: While trust is harder to give, I’m learning to trust my instincts and not let past experiences entirely cloud my judgment. I’ve grown better at spotting red flags and recognizing genuine intentions.

5. Embracing Self-Growth: I’ve committed to working on myself physically, mentally, intellectually, and financially. This ensures that I’m ready for a healthy relationship when I meet the right person. I’m also determined not to come across as a burden but as a whole and confident individual.

Hope for the Future

Finding love as a single mom isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible. It’s important to embrace the process and take your time. One thing I’ve learned is to be comfortable with being alone so that I don’t feel frustrated if I don’t find someone right away. Love is not a do-or-die matter; it should add value to your life, not define it.

When I first started dating again, I felt pressure to act a certain way, say the right things, or dress perfectly. Over time, I’ve learned to relax and let things flow naturally. The anxiety has eased, and dating now feels less overwhelming. If you’re just starting out, know that this adjustment period is normal. Take it at your own pace and trust that it will get easier with time.

Final Thoughts

Dating after a toxic relationship and as a single mom has been a journey of growth, resilience, and learning. I’m still figuring things out, but every experience, good or bad, has taught me something valuable. While there’s plenty of dating advice floating around—some helpful, some not—the most important thing is to stay true to yourself and your values.

For any single moms out there considering dating again, remember: that you are worthy of love, and it’s okay to take your time. Prioritize your healing, growth, and happiness, and trust that the right person will come along when the time is right.

When we think of chasing our dreams, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the lack of resources, connections, or even confidence to begin. But here’s the truth: no one starts at the top, and every great journey begins with a single step. Dear ambitious African woman, you don’t need to have it all figured out to start—you just need to start where you are.

The Power of Starting Small

It can be difficult to take the first step when you feel you have little to work with. Maybe you don’t have enough money, time, or the perfect plan. But what you do have is intelligence, creativity, and resilience—the tools you need to begin. Starting small doesn’t mean settling; it means using what you have to create what you need.

Many African women who have achieved greatness began with almost nothing. For example, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, one of the world’s most celebrated authors, didn’t have a global platform when she started writing. She had a passion for storytelling and a commitment to honing her craft. Today, her work inspires millions.

Why It’s Hard to Start Where You Are

Let’s acknowledge the truth: it’s not easy. Starting where you are can feel like climbing a mountain with no map. You might doubt yourself, compare your progress to others, or feel stuck because you lack resources. But it’s in these challenging moments that your creativity and intelligence shine the brightest.

Starting where you are forces you to think outside the box, to find solutions where others see roadblocks, and to build a foundation that’s uniquely yours. This is how you grow, how you discover your potential, and how you lay the groundwork for success.

How to Start Where You Are

1. Leverage Your Skills: Take inventory of what you’re good at and find ways to use those skills to move forward. Maybe you’re great at networking, writing, or organizing—whatever it is, use it.

2. Set Small Goals: Break your dream into smaller, actionable steps. Focus on what you can achieve today, no matter how small it may seem.

3. Get Creative with Resources: Can’t afford a fancy office? Work from home. Don’t have money for a full course? Start with free online resources or borrow books. Use what you have to build what you need.

4. Ask for Help: Don’t be afraid to reach out to mentors, friends, or family. Sometimes, help is closer than we think.

5. Focus on Progress, Not Perfection: Your first attempt doesn’t have to be flawless. What matters is that you start and keep improving as you go.

Examples of Greatness That Began Small

There are countless stories of African women who started with little and achieved incredible things. Consider Esther Afua Ocloo, who founded a multi-million-dollar business empire with just a few pots and pans. Or Folorunsho Alakija, who began her career as a secretary before becoming one of the wealthiest women in Africa. These women didn’t wait for perfect conditions; they started where they were and built their way up.

Why Starting Small Leads to Growth

Starting small teaches you resilience and adaptability. It pushes you to learn, innovate, and appreciate the journey. Each step forward builds confidence and brings you closer to your dream. The more you persevere, the more opportunities you create for yourself.

Encouragement for the Journey

Dear ambitious African woman, your dreams are valid. Don’t let the fear of starting small hold you back. Take that first step, no matter how shaky it feels. Trust in your ability to grow, to adapt, and to succeed. Remember, greatness isn’t about how you start; it’s about how you keep going.

Your journey may not look like anyone else’s, and that’s okay. What matters is that you’re moving forward, creating a path that’s uniquely yours. So start where you are, use what you have, and trust that with time, effort, and faith, you’ll achieve your dreams.

My Journey with Post-Baby Body Changes

Embracing My New Body

Dressing Confidently with a Bigger Tummy

Understanding Your Body Shape:  

My Practical Style Tips: 

Too often, African women are told to shrink their dreams to fit societal expectations. We hear whispers of doubt—“What will people think?” “Isn’t this too ambitious?” “Focus on finding a husband first.” These words, often said with good intentions, end up discouraging women from chasing their true potential.

Dear ambitious African woman, let me remind you today: your dreams are valid. Not only are they valid, but they are also necessary. The world needs your vision, your brilliance, and your determination to create a lasting impact.

Breaking Stereotypes and Challenging Norms

For far too long, societal norms have tried to box African women into specific roles. We’re often expected to prioritize marriage and motherhood above all else. While these are beautiful and fulfilling paths, they don’t have to define your entire existence.

You can be a loving mother, a devoted partner, and still dream of building a business empire, excelling in academia, or becoming a global leader. You don’t have to choose one over the other; you can carve your own path, one that reflects your unique desires and goals.

Consider the trailblazers who have dared to dream big: women like Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, who shattered glass ceilings to become the first African woman to lead the World Trade Organization, or Lupita Nyong'o, who rose to global stardom while proudly embracing her African heritage. These women didn’t let stereotypes hold them back. They proved that our dreams are not only valid but achievable.

Why Your Dreams Matter

Your dreams are more than just personal ambitions. They have the power to inspire others, to create opportunities, and to transform communities. When you chase your dreams unapologetically, you pave the way for other women and girls to do the same. You become a beacon of hope, proving that it’s possible to dream big and achieve greatness.

Think of the generations of young girls who will look up to you and see a reflection of what’s possible. By pursuing your dreams, you’re not just creating a better future for yourself—you’re also breaking barriers for others to follow.

Steps to Embrace and Protect Your Dreams

1. Believe in Yourself: The first step to embracing your dreams is to believe that you are worthy of them. Drown out the voices of doubt and negativity with affirmations of self-confidence.

2. Define Your Vision: Get clear about what you want to achieve. Write down your goals and visualize your success. A clear vision will guide your steps and keep you focused.

3. Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you. Find mentors, join networks, and build relationships with like-minded individuals who share your drive.

4. Stay Resilient: The journey to achieving your dreams won’t always be smooth. You’ll face challenges, setbacks, and moments of self-doubt. But remember, every setback is an opportunity to learn and grow stronger.

5. Set Boundaries: Protect your dreams from negativity. Distance yourself from people or situations that undermine your confidence or make you question your worth. Your dreams deserve a positive and nurturing environment.

6. Take Action: Dreams without action remain wishes. Start small if you must, but start. Every step forward brings you closer to your goal.

The Courage to Dream Big

Dear ambitious African woman, you have the courage and the strength to dream big. Your dreams are not too wild or too far-fetched. They are a reflection of your unique purpose and potential. Don’t let fear, societal norms, or self-doubt dim your light.

Embrace your dreams with boldness. Protect them with resilience. Pursue them with passion. And always remember: your dreams are valid, and you are capable of achieving them. The world is waiting for your impact. Go ahead and make it.

The Beginning of My Blogging Journey

The Struggles: Motherhood and a Toxic Relationship

Reconnecting With My Passion

The Vision: Building My Dream Life

Embracing the Journey

Happy New Year, Amazing Ladies! 

Hello and welcome to 2025! 🎉

I hope you had a wonderful holiday season filled with joy, love, and rest. A brand-new year is here, and I couldn’t be more excited to start this journey with you.

First, let me say a big thank you for being here, for reading, supporting, and growing with me over the years. Your encouragement keeps me going, and I’m so grateful to have you as part of this community.

2025 feels like a fresh page—a chance to dream bigger, achieve more, and truly step into the amazing lives we’re creating for ourselves. This year, my goal is to inspire and support you even more as we work toward building impactful, fulfilling lives.

If you’re new here, welcome! This is a space for ambitious women—women who want more out of life than just being mothers, wives, or women. We are dreamers, doers, and legacy builders, carving out our own paths and resetting the records.

Here’s What to Expect This Year

This year on the blog, I’ll be sharing step-by-step guides and stories to help you achieve your goals, whether it’s starting a new career, growing your business, or simply living with more confidence and joy. Together, we’ll explore how to discover your purpose, build wealth, and create a life you truly love.

There will be practical tips, personal lessons, and plenty of motivation to keep you moving forward. I’ll also be sharing more about my own journey as a blogger, social media manager, and entrepreneur. Let’s grow together!

A Gentle Reminder

As we set big goals for 2025, remember to take it one step at a time. Be kind to yourself, celebrate the small wins, and never stop believing in your potential. This is your year to shine, to take charge, and to turn your dreams into reality.

Let’s make 2025 the year we become the best versions of ourselves! I can’t wait to hear about your plans, wins, and challenges. Leave a comment below and let me know what you’re looking forward to most this year.

Thank you for being part of this amazing community. Let’s make it a fantastic year!

Wishing you love, happiness, and endless success,

Ngumabi