I never had the courage to as any pregnant woman that question. Not even my mother nor my friends who had babies before me. (I don't know why)
My question was answered when I got pregnant. It rather felt itchy as my belly stretched every day. God is wonderful is all I could say.
But with my curiosity put aside, another question arose - How does all this stretch get back in place?
Life In A Postpartum Body
That question was meant to be answered after I put to bed. And that is what has led me to write this post about life in a postpartum body.
The photos were taken about two months after the birth of my daughter.
Related: First Fashion Post After Having A Baby
That morning I told myself I was gonna dress up and take photos for my blog. I didn't want to feel like motherhood had taken over my life.
These jeans and polka dot shirt was the only outfit that could fit and make me look fashionable. The jeans are high-waist, so they covered and supported my flappy, recovering belly. I felt snatched.
The difficulty in dressing up after having a baby is real. And that is what reminds you every day that your body has changed - you have a new body now. It may be a hard pill to swallow for some women. But I loved my body for going through pregnancy with such strength. I looked at my body with pride. Every stretch mark, fat and flappy skin were signs of strength to me.
I put on more weight as time went on but it was ok. I hardly even noticed it along the way.
The flip side...
When my daughter was approaching ten months, I started feeling like she was grown so I should no longer look like I just had a baby. I started noticing the weight I had gained and wished my belly was smaller.
Mind you somewhere along the line I used to jog but had to stop because baby's sleeping hours changed.
I started wanting to lose weight so that I should no longer look too motherly.
When my daughter turned eleven months, we returned to Yaounde from my mom's and I felt a greater pressure to transform my motherly looking body to a younger looking one.
I wasn't used to looking that way so I had mixed feelings about loving my present body and wanting to look like my old self.
I knew I couldn't get my old body back, we never do. We only get a better body but not the one we had before. All I wanted was to not be seen as "she let motherhood take the best of her". A number of people were already thinking that way about me. I honestly didn't care before but when I returned to Yaounde, it began to bother me.
I realized that started I caring about how other people thought of my body, especially those who knew me before my pregnancy.
This period was tough for me mentally. It felt like I wasn't proud of my strong body anymore (though I was) and that I wanted to lose weight for other people and not myself.
Living In A Postpartum Body
Like they say "When a baby is born, a mother is born too". The changes after pregnancy are hard to ignore and it requires a mother to adapt to them after each pregnancy.
- There is a lot of self-judgment about your body, your looks, how you see yourself and how others see you now.
- Mixed feelings are common. You feel good on some days about yourself body and on some days you don't.
- You feel like taking care of your body means you are putting your baby second. This mom-guilt can last forever but you need to realize that you need to focus on you as well.
Creating A Balance
If you are a mom reading this I want you to know that it's ok to have highs and lows with your postpartum body. Every day isn't going to be the same. But never let the low moments take the best of you. Your body did a good job by bringing forth life and it is recovering. Our recovery times and processes are different.
I have been able to lose some weight these past months and I love the new changes. The thing that makes me happy about this is that I want this for myself and not because others will look at me somehow.
Though I want to lose some more, I am currently having a good relationship with my body. I love what I see in the mirror because I see the progress I have made which makes me feel like everything is possible.
That's all that matters.
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