You respond differently… and you don’t even realize it until after.

One day, you catch yourself staying calm in a situation that would have sent you spiralling months (or years) ago. You answer with clarity instead of panic. You say “no” without shaking. You don’t over-explain. You don’t defend yourself. You no longer rush to fix a problem that isn’t yours. And you sit there thinking, “Wait… when did I change?”

That’s when you know:
You’ve stepped out of survival mode.

What Survival Mode Actually Is

Survival mode is not just “being stressed.” It’s a whole body state—mental, emotional, and physical that forms when you’ve spent too long living in situations that required you to:

• defend yourself

• predict danger

• keep the peace

• suppress your feelings

• walk on eggshells

• stay alert for the next emotional blow

Your nervous system becomes wired for threat, even when you’re no longer in danger.

It looks normal from the outside, but inside? It’s exhausting.

Related: How Emotional Safety Changes Your Entire Life

How Survival Mode Shows Up (Without You Realizing It)

You don’t always know you’re in survival mode until you see the patterns. Here are some common signs:

1. Overthinking everything

You replay conversations in your head, trying to find what you “did wrong.” You write and rewrite messages. You worry about how people will interpret your tone.

2. Explaining yourself too much

A simple “I was busy” becomes a full paragraph. You feel pressure to justify ordinary actions.

3. Feeling guilty for resting

If you sit down, you feel like you’re wasting time. Like you should be doing something to “keep things from falling apart.”

4. Reading danger in neutral situations

Someone delays replying and you panic. Someone’s tone shifts and you assume the worst.

5. Taking responsibility for other people’s emotions

If someone else is angry, anxious, or upset… you automatically think it’s your fault.

6. Constant alertness

Your mind is always preparing for or anticipating the next problem, argument, request, or crisis.

7. Struggling to trust your own calm

Even when life gets peaceful, your body waits for and expects something to go wrong.

That’s survival mode: living as if the world is a threat, even when it isn’t. Not knowing when to rest of let your guard down.

Healing from Survival Mode: One Day, You Notice the Shift…

Healing doesn’t begin when everything is perfect.
Healing begins when you become different.

Examples of what the shift looks like:

✔️ You say “I’m busy” without guilt.

No emotion. No apology. Just truth.

✔️ You stop defending yourself.

If someone tries to provoke you, you don’t explain or argue. You simply let their words fall flat.

✔️ You respond with calm instead of panic.

Not coldness, just emotional neutrality.

✔️ You don’t absorb other people’s moods.

Their anger? That’s theirs.
Their assumptions? Still theirs.
Your peace? Yours.

✔️ You don’t feel the need to fix everything immediately.

You take your time. You breathe. You go at your own pace.

✔️ You become unshakeable in situations that used to trigger you.

The reaction that once felt automatic now feels unnecessary.

When that happens, you realize:
Your nervous system has finally relaxed.
You’re no longer operating from fear.
You’re responding from a healed place.

Related: Signs You’re Growing Faster Than You Realize

Why This Shift Feels Scary At First

At first, the healing feels… strange.

When you’ve lived in survival mode for so long, peace can feel uncomfortable.
Calm feels suspicious.
Normal interactions feel unfamiliar.
You even worry that you’ll “lose” this version of yourself.

That’s normal.

Your body is rewiring itself.
Your mind is learning safety.
Your spirit is relearning softness.

Your nervous system is getting reprogrammed.

Give yourself time to adjust.

Related: How to Rebuild Your Identity After Survival Mode

How to Stay Grounded as You Heal

Here are gentle ways to protect your peace while you’re transitioning out of survival mode:

1. Keep your responses simple

You don’t owe explanations. Short, calm replies protect your energy.

2. Separate people’s emotions from your identity

Their frustration = their business
Your calm = your responsibility

3. Pause before reacting

A slow breath can stop an emotional spiral before it starts.

4. Anchor yourself in what you know is true

Not every story your mind creates is reality.

5. Let your boundaries speak for you

You don’t need to argue. A “no” is enough.

6. Trust the new version of yourself

You’re not fragile.
You’re not going backwards.
You’re evolving.

Yes, Healing Can Be Quiet 

You don’t have to shout that you’re healed.
You don’t need to announce your growth.

Sometimes healing is quiet.
Sometimes it’s subtle.
Sometimes it’s simply the moment you realize:

“I no longer respond the way I used to.”

That shift, that calm, that groundedness is the new foundation you’re building your life on.

And it only gets stronger from here.

Read More:

How Emotional Safety Changes Your Entire Life

Signs You’re Growing Faster Than You Realize

How to Rebuild Your Identity After Survival Mode

For the past many months — honestly, maybe a year now — I’ve quietly stepped back from social media. Not completely, but from the parts that demanded too much of me: posting, showing up, performing, proving.

The Quiet Exit I Didn’t Announce

At first, even when I stopped posting, I was still scrolling. Especially Instagram. But gradually, even the scrolling became exhausting. Weeks passed… then months. I didn’t miss it. I didn’t feel the urge to check what anyone was doing. Same with Facebook. If I opened the app, it was just to drop a link to a blog post or a YouTube video — nothing more.

Meanwhile, TikTok became my escape. That endless scroll can be comforting and unhealthy at the same time. Yes, I learn things there, but most of it is just random information floating through my brain.

Taking this break made me realise something important:
I had been carrying pressure I didn’t even know I had.

Pressure to impress.
Pressure to “prove” I was doing well.
Pressure to show people that I’m growing, achieving… winning.

Stepping back peeled all of that away.

Letting Go of the Need to Perform

I’m proud of myself for taking that break — even though it didn’t feel intentional at the beginning. I used to worry that people would think I failed. That I disappeared because life wasn’t working out. That I wasn’t “serious.”

But honestly? Silence taught me something freeing:
I don’t need to prove anything to anyone.

I just need to live my life.

I realised that the places I feel most comfortable, the places where my voice flows without pressure, are my blog and my YouTube channel. Those platforms feel like home. No comparison, no performance, no algorithm breathing down my neck — just my thoughts, my days, my process, my world.

Social media, for now, feels like a place I visit, not a place I live.

Even LinkedIn — which I tried to maintain for professional reasons — became another stage where I felt I had to show accomplishments and updates just to be seen as “worthy.” It drained me.

Finding My Way Back to Myself

This break has been healing.

It removed the noise.
It reduced the expectations.
It brought me back to myself.

And the most surprising part?
My passion for blogging never left.
It remained steady through all the confusion.

So here I am — ready to write more, share more, think out loud, document my life, and build again… slowly, intentionally, and without pressure.

I might return to social media fully one day. Or I might not. But for now, I’m honouring the season I’m in: a season of quiet rebuilding and gentle creativity.

And honestly… it feels good.

And the moment that thought came, I smiled.

It wasn’t just a random thought — it was a realization.
For the first time in a long, long time, I truly felt free.
Free to live, to dream, to make decisions for myself without guilt or fear of judgment.

You see, ever since I met and started dating my toxic ex — I haven’t really felt free. Even after we separated, I still felt caged. He was still around, hovering, saying things, judging, controlling with words, even from a distance. It was as if he didn’t want me to escape.
And I didn’t even realize how much that affected me.

Even when I thought I’d healed, I still carried that invisible cage.
That trauma — the one that makes you second-guess your choices, feel guilty for wanting more, or even feel wrong for being happy — it stayed with me.

But lately, something in me has shifted.
I look around my home, and I finally feel like, “This is my place.”
Not ours, not his and mine, not somewhere temporary.
Mine.

I can bring whoever I want here.
I can decorate it how I want.
I can build the life I want, without feeling guilty about it.

Even my toxic ex doesn’t have the right to just show up here, and that realization alone was freeing. I finally felt like I had taken my life back.

And funny enough, it reminded me of something I’d been saying to myself recently:
“I feel like I’m in my 20s again.”

At first, I thought it was because I was acting or thinking like my younger self — sometimes even in ways that felt a little childish — but now I understand it better.
It’s not about going back in age.
It’s about that state of mind I had in my 20s — when I was free, open, unburdened.
Back then, I wasn’t imprisoned by anyone’s opinion or manipulation.

My ex used to say things that stuck with me, that made me doubt and judge myself even when he wasn’t around. He trained me to keep myself small. I didn’t even know how to celebrate myself anymore.

But these days, I do.
The other day, I caught myself saying, “Abi, you’re doing really good.”
Because I am.

I’m raising two kids.
I’m paying rent.
I’m keeping everything together.
And somehow, I still manage to look good, to glow, to stay hopeful.

I looked at myself and thought — wow, I’m doing it.
I’m living, I’m standing, I’m thriving.

And for once, when I watch YouTubers who live solo and share their lives, it doesn’t feel unreal anymore. I used to watch them and think, “Hmm, maybe it’s just performance.”
But now, I get it. I can have that too.
Because I am living that life — solo, peaceful, building something real for myself and my kids.

I can have slow mornings.
I can decorate my space to reflect who I am now.
I can change how I dress.
I can work on my body — on my healing, my goals, my dreams.

And that’s exactly what I’m doing.

It feels so good to finally have this feeling again — to want life, to enjoy it, and to see possibilities where I used to see walls.

I’m free.
Truly free.
And this time, I’m not giving that freedom away again.

Eating better to heal

If you read my last update, you already know I’ve been dealing with some fatigue for a while. So, I decided to build back my energy. I did some research on what it could be. 

I read that it could be low iron or just a lack of certain nutrients, so I started eating more fish, eggs, and vegetables. I ate mostly fish pepper soup. I made it spicy since I felt nauseous from time to time. 

Even though I was still feeling weak some days, I was proud of myself for not pausing blogging completely. I kept writing, posting at a slower pace, but that was alright and satisfying. 

A mini grocery haul and the shock of prices

We needed a few things at home, so I went out to do a small grocery shopping for just a few things we needed to complete the month. Lately, prices of stuff have increased, and it greatly affects the choice of things to buy, especially when you are dealing with a small budget. I was shocked at how much prices have changed again. Prices of cocoyams and tomatoes, for example, have doubled, and things like sugar have increased a bit, but you definitely feel it.

I found myself doing that mental math before going to the market 😂 I had to drop many things I thought I could buy and make changes. I reflected on how to make what we still have at home work, then I got the indispensable to complete it. 

Got these from the supermarket plus some other food stuff from the store which I couldn't get from the supermarket

Still, I was grateful. Because even with the rising prices, I could get what we needed and even a few small treats for everyone. It’s moments like this that remind me how adulting is basically balancing gratitude and shock every week.

My akara beans disaster

I made akara beans, and I didn’t know what went wrong at first. I have made it before, but that day, it just refused to cooperate. I added eggs and even flour to fix it, but it was just not giving. I later realised there was a bit more water than usual after I checked the recipes of others on YouTube.

A little view of the texture of the paste

I decided to use a frying pan because it's flat and will reduce the scattering of the paste

The result. This made me really happy 😊  This method made the akara to 'drink' (absorb) less oil

The first ones I fried after adding the raw eggs and flour. I thought it was going to kill the effect of the watery paste

See the texture after I added flour. I started regretting why I added the floor. It was heavy inside

The first ones I fried.

I still managed to make it edible (because wasting food? Never!), and surprisingly, the kids still liked it, so it's still a win. 😅 We move.

That has been life lately. Hope life has been treating you well.

 💛

But here’s the thing — no matter how much it went down, it never really went all the way back. I kept thinking maybe it’s because my belly had been so big and stretched during pregnancy, that even breastfeeding and all the “normal” body recovery tricks just weren’t enough.

What I didn’t know then was that it wasn’t just about the outside. Inside, my stomach muscles were actually open and weak, and that kind of belly needs special attention and workouts to get stronger and close up.

How I Discovered Diastasis Recti

At first, I thought I just had stubborn belly fat. My belly always looked a bit funny, and even when I sucked it in, it was clear something was off. Some days, I would feel like my belly couldn't be controlled.

I stumbled on the term diastasis recti when I asked ChatGPT something about weight loss. I did some reading and even tested myself by pressing my fingers into my belly, and yes, there was a gap. That’s when it clicked: this wasn’t just fat, my abs had literally separated.

What I Started Doing

I made a few changes and additions after reading the recommendations:

• I did more core-safe exercises. Things like pulling my stomach in while lifting my legs gently, or doing controlled moves.

• I avoided exercises that made it worse or that made my recti open up again. I skipped the rope, danced while holding my belly in and releasing it as I danced over and over again. I worked out for my weight loss and also did core exercises for my open stomach muscles to close.

• Most importantly, I reminded myself it’s about consistency, not intensity.

My Tips for Anyone Struggling With It

From my experience, here’s what I’d tell any mama (or even someone who isn’t a mom but has this):

1. Don’t rush into heavy ab workouts. Planks, sit-ups, or anything that makes your stomach bulge out can delay healing.

2. Start with simple breathing and core activations — trust me, those tiny moves are powerful.

3. Mix healing workouts with fun movement (like dancing, walking, rope jumping if you enjoy it). It keeps you motivated.

4. Always listen to your body. If something makes your belly dome or stick out, skip it or slow it down.

5. Be patient. Healing isn’t instant, but the changes come slowly and surely.

Looking back, I now understand why my belly never “snapped back” like i expected after pregnancy. It wasn’t laziness or stubborn fat; it was my body asking for the right kind of care. Some women snap back because their stomach wasn't stretched too much or their body had the possibility to bring thier belly muscles back together to close. I understand better now, and I think that if I had known this earlier, my belly would be in better shape because I would have known which exercises to target. It's at my fourth year postpartum that I'm discovering and actively working on the problem. My belly isn't flat yet, but the changes I've observed are promising. I do test myself to see how much the gap in the belly is changing and there has been improvement.

If you’re like me and you notice your belly just isn’t responding to your usual efforts, don’t panic. You might have diastasis recti. Get informed by doing research on it. Find different types of exercises you can do or which is convinient for you. Start small, eat well, be consistent, and treat your body with patience. Healing is possible, and your belly can get stronger again.