Leadership is the ability to impact and leave your mark in the lives of people. That's why leadership must be intentional. 

Those were some of the words of Dr Madison Ngafeeson, the organizer of the Leading Lady Conference which took place in Yaounde from the 6th to the 7th of July 2018.


This conference was a new thing to me and for most of us who attended because in Cameroon, events that encourage us (women) to discover ourselves, know our worth, follow our dreams and live intentionally in order to impact the lives of other women are rare.

The Conference

Generally, the conference was good. The speakers were inspiring. We had talks, breakout sessions and time to network. There were 2 breakout sessions with three classes going on at the same time during each session. We had two hours for networking after lunch on the second day of the conference. 

It was such an inspiring conference and I hope it has set the pace for more like this to come. 

We had wonderful speakers like Dr Ngafeeson Madison himself, Pastor Frankie Powell and Dr Lisa Prudy Wafo whose success story almost brought us to tears. The other speakers took us through classes during the breakout sessions.

From all the inspiring stories told during this conference, there was one thing they had in common. That was leading intentionally. Which in other words means intentionally impacting the lives of people by living your God-given purpose.

We are all leaders because we have someone who looks up to us for one thing or the other. We have to lead them (impact their lives) but we are not often intentional with our leadership and therefore our impact is not really felt by those we lead.


Dr Madison told us the story of how his life was impacted by the women in his life. And this impact made him the man he is today. And he asked a very important question which was - what if these women had not played their role of leadership in his life? He definitely wouldn't have been the person he is today. That's why it's important for women to lead intentionally so that we can have a greater impact on the lives of others.

Today I will be sharing with you how to lead intentionally and create an impact that can change other people's lives.

The Lessons

1. Know your purpose

In order to lead, you need to know who you are and what impact you want to make in the world. And that implies you need to know your purpose. Your purpose is that thing you are sent to do in the world. Your reason for being here. It's what drives you, what motivates you, puts a smile on your face, what makes you cry or what brings you joy and fulfilment. It's the essence of your life.


Every woman (and man) has a purpose. And as Pastor Frankie Powell said:

There is a difference between success and significance. Your success may not have any significance, but if you live a significant life you'll be successful.

These words sank so deep into me because I think the same. Your purpose sets you aside from the others. It's the most unique feature you have because no one can live your purpose better than you.

Frankie Powell went further to say that if you discover and live your purpose, no one can also be as good at being you as you. And that God gives us a purpose we need to discover.

Here are a few questions he shared to help you find your purpose. So ask yourself the following questions:

- What makes me cry or sad when I hear it?

- What makes me angry or frustrated?

- What makes me laugh, happy or excited when I see or hear it?

And to summarize all these questions, WHAT ARE YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT? WHAT DO YOU ENJOY DOING AND WHAT ARE YOU GOOD AT DOING? This means you should add your passion to your gift and get your purpose.

Don't forget that your purpose is about impacting the lives of other people. Your purpose is meant to change the lives of others for the better. The situation you were born in, whether good or bad is tied to your purpose.

The poverty and pain you experience are meant to forge and direct you towards your purpose. The obstacles you face like obesity, poverty or handicap are linked to your purpose because your success will inspire those going through the same problem. They will know that if they keep working hard they will overcome every obstacle as well and become as successful as you.

So end the chapter of living a life without purpose, turn the page and start writing a new chapter of living your purpose.

2. Strive to be better than the generation before you and be intentional about it

I will like to sum up this point in five important words: "WORK HARD" and "NEVER GIVE UP".

Dr, Lisa Prudy Wafo told us her very touching story of how she left from nothing to something in life. She explained all the obstacles she faced along the way which brought her back to point zero every time. But the one thing that made her successful today was her hard work and the fact that she never gave up.

The road to creating an impact on people's lives and being a leader is not easy. Others have tried and failed some succeeded but you need to strive to be better than those who came before you.



Like Dr Lisa Prudy said in reference to her story:

It's not my fault that I'm born in a poor family, but if I die poor then it's my fault.

It's better to die while trying than to give up. It's your responsibility to think and be better than the previous generation.

3. Be dynamic, think global and stay relevant to the world

During the breakout sessions, I joined the career woman class and it was really eye-opening and inspiring.


Dr, Bame Patience gave us great advice on how to stay relevant in the job market. She mentioned the following points:

- You have to be prepared. 

Like she said:

PREPARATION + OPPORTUNITY = BREAKTHROUGH




You have to be ready for the opportunity so that you can qualify to get it.

- Acquire skills and not just knowledge.

Develop skills that are needed in the 21st-century labour market which is the age of technology. This century is filled with the replacement of human labour with machines so develop skills which require you to do critical thinking because machines can't do critical thinking.

It's not enough to be knowledgeable. You need very practical skills that you can use or show someone. I think this point is very true because when university graduates finish school, they have the knowledge but very little skills. They also don't know how to transform their knowledge into skills. So we need to develop skills from our knowledge or learn new skills to develop a good career.

Develop global skills that will make you available in the global job market.

- Be a flexible career woman in the 21st-century

Like she said, employability is much more than having employment. It is being able to transit from one job to another, unlike our parents who had and kept just one job from the beginning until the end of their careers. Like she said:

Over your career life, you may need to be a cameleon many times

So you adapt to the changes you meet in your career.

- Develop a reading spirit. 

You need to read a lot to have more knowledge and skills that will help your career.

- Be intentional about your career and do what it takes to get to your goal.

- Come out of groups which don't serve you. 

Surround yourself with people who inspire and motivate you to succeed.

- Find a partner that supports your career. 

Because it is motivating and makes things easier.

4. Think ahead of others. Be smart.

The Business Lady class was fired up with knowledge by Nina Ngasa, a successful entrepreneur who shared her story as a businesswoman. Here are some of the lessons from her story:

- Be a visionary

Have a bigger plan and think ahead of your competitors. Have a good plan and a business idea.

- Set the pace

Think smart. Make use of the problems we have in society to create a product or service that solves that problem. Come up with new ideas and set the pace in your market. This will help you conquer the market.

- Develop your brand

Don't just sell your products but develop your brand to keep your customers coming back.

- Sell with confidence

Have confidence in your products and sell them with confidence.

- Ignore those making a mockery of you.

Ignore the naysayers and those making a mockery of what you do. Don't be ashamed to do an activity that brings you an income even if it is seen as downgrading by your peers and friends. Don't be afraid of what people will say about you selling to earn a living.

5. Know how to handle life's detours along your path

In order to be a leading lady, you need to know how to handle life's detours or obstacles. Embrace your detours and find opportunities in the problems you face in your life.

Let your detours shape you like a stone which is transported by a river with high currents. The stone may be knocked against other stones as the river transports it but in the end that stone will become a very smooth and shiny stone. And when people see it they will want to pick it up and put it where everyone can see and admire it.  Let your detours make you a better person.

Looking back at the case of Dr Lisa Prudy, her obstacles shaped her and directed her to her purpose. Every detour she met was a step closer to the successful woman she is today.

Believe that there is something better after every detour because your detour isn't a dead-end in life. So embrace your detours, let them shape you, learn the lessons from them and allow them to transform you into the person you are meant to become.

Detours come sometimes to change us into better people and stir us in the right direction. To respond to detours with wisdom. At this point pastor, Frankie Powell told us that to be a leading lady you have to learn to deal with problems and make your problems work for you. He said our problems stand in front of us like fire and we all have a bucket in each of our hands to use on it. One bucket has water and one has gasoline. When you have problems or detours we have the choice to pour the contents of one of the buckets on our problem.

Your reaction to your problems is like having water and gasoline in both hands. Some of our reactions to problems only make the problems bigger and worse. But if we take time to understand the lessons of our problems as we find a way to solve them then we will make the most of our problems.

6. Live intentionally

To live intentionally is to decide to aware and conscious of how you live and all the things you do with your life. Living intentionally is a decision. For example; If you want a happy and fulfilled life then you start to do the things that will make you feel happy and fulfilled. You don't wait for someone else to make you happy. This goes same for your purpose and leadership.


You have to decide to lead and impact the lives of people with your purpose and then find ways to realize it. Don't let things happen to you by chance. But make it be on your side by doing all that you need to do to have the life that you want to live.

Things I liked and disliked about the conference

- The Content

I was generally satisfied with the conference at the level of the content. It was really enriching, inspiring and eye-opening. The speakers had stories that taught great life lessons.

- The Duration

I think that two days wasn't enough for such a huge content. it should have been at least three days. The second day was really tiring because the program was really long. Putting everything in one day made us finish in the night which I didn't really like.

- The Food

I didn't like the food. The food was small and we had just one meal throughout the day. No water during the conference except during lunch. Maybe the funds were not enough but it wasn't nice to stay the whole day on that little food.

- The Breakout Sessions

The breakout sessions were great! We had three classes per session and each person could attend just one class because all three classes took place at the same time. It was hard to choose a class to attend for each of the sessions but the ones I attended were superb. I really wish we had more time in the break out sessions so that we could ask questions.

- Logistics

The organization was good. Our notebooks had some branding thing going on and it felt good to have a book made for the conference. Honestly, from the moment I got the book, I started to feel like my money was worth it.


The program was printed directly in the book which was great but I wish I was given the detailed program before the conference.

- The Music

This was really great. There was worship time, a great saxophonist and a gospel artist called Aunty Clo who made the event soulful and joyful. It was so nice to hear my favourite of Aunty Clo's songs called "My friend Jesus". Apparently, it was everyone's favourite as everyone stood up and sang along with her.

- The Certificate

This was a great surprise. We were given beautiful certificates at the end of the conference and it was really awesome. This is a reminder that I am a leading lady and I have to continue to live my purpose.

- The Meet-ups 

This conference gave me the chance to meet new people as well as friends I haven't seen in a while like Marie Abanga who is a coach, lawyer and also a blogger. I also met my friend Yensi Helen who I interviewed on my blog. You can read that interview here and get to know this amazing young woman who helps women suffering from domestic violence.

Helen, Marie and Me (from left to right).

This is how it happened at the Leading Lady Conference. I hope you learned a thing or two from this post. Thanks for reading and please leave your thoughts in a comment. Do share this post with other women and men who need to learn how to lead intentionally.

The other day I was on the Oprah Winfrey Network YouTube Channel (btw you should check out the channel for she's got some great stuff for personal development there - thank me later!). I came across a video of one of her shows where she interviewed Robert Kiyosaki who wrote: "Rich Dad, Poor Dad". His story is really inspiring as he talked about how he made a lot of money by changing this mindset about money and retired at the age of 47. 

At this point, I was like OMG. Imagine how rich and successful this guy was all ready to retire as early as that. Well, this happened so many years ago but the thing is more and more people are getting very rich and successful before they clock 20 or 30 years. In Robert Kiyosaki's case, he was already a millionaire by 30. 

The Forbes 30 list celebrates young people who are game-changers every year. And every year, more young people make it to that list before they even turn 25. On the internet young, successful and rich teens hardly go unnoticed as they make headlines on blogs and social media. Should I mention Kylie Jenner who will be worth more than a billion dollars by the year 2022 or her sister who was the highest-paid model in the world last year 2017? Both of them are 20 and 22 years respectively. 

I think there are people so young in your area who are really successful and this can be really disturbing because it makes one feel like a complete failure. It's so easy to compare yourself with such people and ask yourself "what exactly have I been doing with my life all these years?" 

You may be 29 years old like me and you are still trying to figure out what to do with your life (yes at 29). That's OK. Seeing people way younger than I am become so successful also makes me think and feel like a failure. 

But in this case, you are the victim because you talk down on yourself, compare yourself and direct all the negative thoughts to yourself. You blame yourself for not being successful and being older than them makes you feel like a failure and a loser. It also makes you feel like there's something wrong with you and may look like you are frustrated. 

Each and every one of us has a path to follow so our journeys cannot be the same, neither is our timing. God says in the Bible that he cannot let you carry a problem too much for you to bear. Now, this goes to show you that whether it is trouble or success, it will come differently to each and every one of us. In various ways, through various channels and at various times after putting in various amounts of effort because our successes are not the same.

So this is what you have to do:

You don't want to do this, OK? It's not good for you. It will only bring regret and make you feel even more worthless and kill your self-belief. So don't let your mind go there. 

Remember that life happened. And whatever thing that is responsible for you not being where you want to be, happened for a reason: to teach you and make you the person you are today. So remember the lessons you have learned all these years and don't see that period of your life as a waste of time. It is not. Patience is a virtue but it is not something that most of us have as a character. Those times you were slowed down taught you how to be patient. Now, that's a great lesson.

Don't ever stop your grinding, honey. You may feel weak or discouraged, but keep working towards your goal. Do one thing a day that moves you close your you goal even if you lost your motivation to grind.

Find ways to work smart! learn the good tricks that others are applying to succeed and do the same.

After learning, create a new strategy and use it.

If you can't do it on your own and feel like you need someone to guide you then find a mentor to help you.

Seek the light at the end of the tunnel. Never give up!

The internet can be a very toxic place as well so you need to arm yourself with a lot of positive thoughts in order not to lose yourself.

I guess many of us already know the profile or qualities of a go-getter but don't know what qualifies someone who is not a go-getter.

But let's define who a go-getter is.

A go-getter girl is a very driven and passionate woman who is intentional and fearless in pursuing her objectives in life. 

 

It's either you are a go-getter or you are not. And there are signs to show that you are one. I would have written this post to give you the signs that you are a go-getter but I decided to flip it around. If you have some of these signs then sorry, you probably are not a go-getter girl.

You fear what will happen, how people will see you and what they will say about you when you follow your dreams. But I have more than one question for you, 'Do these people contribute anything other than fear to your life? Do they even genuinely care about you? What do you stand to lose if they talk about you and your crazy desire to achieve your dreams?'

See, I used to be one of those who feared what people will say if they found out that I had a blog. I felt terrified that they will laugh at me, say that I am frustrated and that I have lost my way. So I didn't even let myself share my posts on my Facebook timeline. Because of this, I didn't make much effort to blog more until the day I decided to stop worrying about what my friends on Facebook, think and just post it. 

By the way, I have judged others as crazy and lost in the past because they followed their dream so I could only imagine what others would be saying about me blogging.

But with time I learned not to care and keep doing my thing. I made my mistakes and became better in the eyes of so many and I am so glad I took that first step.

If you are uncomfortable with what your friends will think about you taking a path that they don't understand, then just unfollow them and stay away from them if that will make you more confident to work more and achieve your dreams. That's what I did and it worked!

If you abandoned your dream after a few failures then you are not a go-getter girl at all. Go-getters know the taste of failure but also know the value of victory. They never give up as long as they know they are following the right path! They know that every failure is a lesson and a step closer to their goal. 

Failure is not obligatory but it's very common on your journey to achieving your goals. You need to stay strong and remain consistent in your efforts to become a high achiever.

Failure is an opportunity to learn and not to lament or feel discouraged.

If you don't know what you want to be or do, then you absolutely can't be a go-getter girl. Go-getter girls know what they want to do and who they want to become. 

That's why they can plan their lives better and make achievable goals. 

It sucks to be clueless about what you want to do with your life.. And this doesn't make you a go-getter girl.

The fear of choosing your path in life makes you settle for what everyone thinks you "should" be doing instead of what you really want to do.

You prefer to be identified by society as a teacher, a lawyer, a banker, a doctor, a nurse, etc: versus being identified as an artist, a creator, singer, a dancer, an actor, a travel blogger, an activist, a makeup artist, a comedian, etc. 

I know it's the dream of some girls to become a doctor, nurse, banker and all the other careers accepted by society and that is totally fine but most girls get into these jobs because they don't know how to go about realizing their dreams. So they turn to what is 'doable'.

Someone who is not a go-getter girl will see only what could go wrong with her dream and hardly the positive. They will dwell on the humiliations, embarrassments and difficult times that they will face pursuing their dreams.

It doesn't mean that go-getter girls don't ever get negative self-talk sometimes. But the difference is that they can still see the bright side and get motivated no matter how small their hope is. 

If you think a lot about how things will go wrong then probably you are not a go-getter girl.

Your comfort zone is comfortable and you love it. You don't want to try new things or take on challenges that will help you achieve your goals.

Go-getters make stepping out of their comfort zones a habit. That's how they learn and become better people.

You won't give up anything for a d*nm dream. You prefer to just do the things you are sure of the results. Life is more of mathematics to you. 

The Go-getter girl applies more logic to her life. It's all about changing and bending the rules in her favour along the way. She is ready to risk it all just to achieve her dream and she also gets rewarded big time for the risk taken.

If wishes were horses. A girl who is not a go-getter can only dream, and imagine and will not take action.  

Any of us can become a go-getter if we choose to. If you identified yourself with these qualities but want to be a go-getter girl then all you have to do is to decide to become one and do what it takes to succeed. It's not too late to become one.

I remember when I was a child how eager I wanted to grow up and become an adult. It seemed like such a long time then but here I am all grown up and wishing I was a child again. I miss being so carefree and innocent. Even though I have all the freedom I was seeking and I'm done with the dreaded 7:30am to 2:30pm school days.

I wanted to grow up and change the world. And no this is not cliché, I really meant it. It wasn't clear to me how I was going to do it but I wanted to be known as a life-changer; someone who brings change to people's lives in any way. My creative and innovative mind at the time proved that.

Then time passed and adolescence came accompanied by the talks about boys and pregnancy and then marriage. 

What bothers me so much at this stage of life is how all these talks come up suddenly when your menstruation begins. Menstruation is the last stage of the process of maturity in a girl, why not begin 'the sex and boys talk' way before it comes? 

Anyway, this is the stage I automatically stopped feeling like a child. That was it I had become a woman. Just like that. Womanhood couldn't be complete without the presence of boys. 

It was awkward to start getting male attention and dealing with it. It was normal to just sit there and wait for male attention as a teenager, I mean when all the advice you get is "concentrate on your books and forget about men" what else do you expect to do? 

But when the rhythm changes to "you need to find a husband or at least a serious relationship so that you can get married by the time you graduate from school/university", then sitting on your bed and waiting is no longer the norm. Either directly or indirectly we ladies feel or hear or go through this sometime in our twenties. It really breaks my heart so much right now that girls even younger than twenty are feeling this pressure these days because this is the point where we girls begin to lose ourselves.

In my case, I met guys I really liked and that I was ready to do and go through almost anything to keep in my life. And in the course of this, little by little I forgot myself and only focused on pleasing them, meeting their expectations and becoming their dream girl. By the time I was done with one relationship, I was so empty. I had no self-esteem, no plans (since all my plans were made with them) and no future for myself. All I wanted was to find a better person to love me again so that my esteem would come back and my life will be better.

That was the biggest lie I ever told myself. Yes, because every other relationship that I went in with the objective to get my self-esteem lifted and trying to be the perfect partner so that I can be loved unconditionally in return only made emptied me the more and made me feel worse. I walked out, even more, drained even though I got a few days, weeks or months of' happiness' from the relationship. 

I realized that I couldn't please anyone completely and I only became less of myself when I please others. Pleasing others didn't help me in any way so why go on doing that?

That's when my priorities changed. I shifted the desire to please others to myself. I decided to be selfish in order to love for just a while. Then I realized just how much I had put aside in order to make others happy. My life, my dreams, my desire to change the world!

I let others change me instead. My desire to become the ideal girl made me nobody at the end of the day. I didn't know who I was and who I wanted to become, I lost my value and didn't know how to set boundaries. How would I set the boundary if I didn't know where to draw the line?

My prayer is for most young girls to know that they do not need to go into relationships ready to please a man so that he can love them better. You don't need to do that honey. Even if society makes you think that it's your submission, obedience, patience, tolerance and fulfilment of his every demand that'll make him be with you and make your relationship last forever. That's Bullsh*t! 

Do you boo! Be yourself. Don't change who you are or suppress your dreams to make a relationship work.

Think of how energized and inspired you were before you started dating at all and go ahead and bring that energy back. What were your aspirations then? What did you want to become then? Who did you want to be? Do you have new dreams you want to pursue? Go ahead and pursue them and never give it up when you find love.

If somebody won't stay because you are being yourself & living your purpose then their love is not big enough!

 

I hope this inspires just one girl out there struggling like I did and needs to find her way back to who she really is. 

Last night, I went out to jog as I usually do. Before I stepped out of the house I realized that I wasn't feeling as to jog at all. I had the same feeling the previous day and I blamed it on the cold weather. It actually took some convincing to step out into the cold to go jogging.

I jog three times a week. I usually go jogging in a field nearby. It takes 10mins to get there. While on my way there last night, I realized that despite the lack of motivation, I still stepped out to jog and I completed my three times jogging for the week.

It really made me feel fantastic. I felt so good about myself. That's when this thought came to my mind 

Even if it is just stepping out like in my case. Or going there just for the sake of it. That's a step. There are times I go out to jog telling myself that I will only walk when I get there because I wasn't motivated. But I end up jogging and jogging well the whole time when I get to the field. This often makes me feel so proud of myself and motivates me to keep on because the times I really enjoyed jogging are not the times I left the house really motivated but when I wasn't. 

I hope this serves as motivation for you to keep moving even when you don't have the motivation to do so. 

Who is a mentor a coach and a counsellor? This post will help clarify the differences between these words.

These three terms are often used in the place of each other because people think they mean the same thing. Their definitions are not very different but there exists a clear difference between what a mentor, a coach and a counsellor do. 

This clarification will also help you understand which of them you need to work with in order to guide you through your career and life. 

A mentor is a resourceful person you can depend on for general guidance and advice concerning life or career. It's a person who challenges and helps you with self-development. S/he helps you to become a better version of yourself, to grow and stay motivated to be successful in life goals. 

A mentor is more of a generalist because he doesn't really focus on one aspect of your life but he inspires you to think and come up with your own systems and methods to work and achieve your goals. S/he guides you to grow positively and gives you constructive criticism.

S/he may ask you questions that will motivate you to discover yourself and know yourself better. S/he guides you to find new inspiration for your life or career. As well as help you discover new ways to manage your weaknesses and strengths. 

A mentor can also be a role model because they are usually solicited because of their experience in life or a domain that they practice in or a domain that they seem to have a lot of knowledge about. 

A coach works just like a mentor but s/he is more specialised in one domain of your life. That's why it's possible to have many coaches like a sports coach, a voice coach, a speech coach, a love coach etc because they are very specific and qualify in a particular domain. They show you step-by-step how to obtain the results you want and they guide you along. Coaches are more task-oriented compared to Mentors.

Coaches can be very specialised and may focus only on one aspect of a particular industry. For example, in sports, we have different coaches for every sports type. There are also specialized coaches in each sports type. 

So when choosing a coach, you need to have to know the kind of results you are expecting to get from them so that you can choose well. 

A counsellor on her part is focused on the problems you face and how it affects your life. They help individuals get out of their psychological and personal problems. They are also looked upon as a confidant.

Counsellors just like coaches specialise in various aspects for example; marriage, education, depression, etc.

I've been wanting to ask you:

When are you going to start that project you've been working on? When will it be ever perfect for the world to see and benefit from that great idea of yours? Do you know that the more you keep it away from us the more we are deprived of the benefit of your talent? Do you know that the more you keep it away from the world, the less experience you and know how-how you acquire? 

People say sharing is caring, I say sharing is growing and developing. You need to start sharing that idea you have been working on to enable it to grow and develop. It will not grow into anything while it is still on your table, in your bag or in your head. You have to stop over planning it and start doing it. 

I know you may have planned from start to finish but how will you know if it will work if you haven't tried it? It doesn't matter if you did a market survey or not, just start. If you fail, you'll learn.

I want to share a story with you. When I started this blog, I had no idea what I wanted to blog about. I read a lot about types of blogs and niches but still couldn't decide on what to focus on. So I decided to just start blogging till I figure out what I really wanted. I am really happy I started this blog two years ago because I have gained experience with the blog and I have grown. I would definitely still be a novice if I had to wait to figure it all out before starting. 

This year, I found my focus for my blog which is Women Empowerment Coaching through Personal Development and Lifestyle blogging. When I think of how excited and passionate I am about it, I also think about how much my previous experience in blogging will help me to be more efficient. 

I want to encourage you to launch whatever idea you have in mind for a while now by taking the first step. If it is a blog, create it then go find something to blog about. Is it a business? Then make your first product and show the world what you can do. Don't bother about how crazy it may look, the feedback you'll get will enable you to grow, learn and direct you on how to produce better and more refined products.

The best time to start is NOW! All the best honey.