It's easy to get lost in motherhood or take the identity your kids give you. Being known as or being called somebody's mother is sweet but don't you sometimes miss your own personality showing up?

Motherhood can change how you eat, dress, how spend your money and even what you discuss with your friends. Motherhood takes over your entire life and you may need to fight to regain yourself.

Here are a few ways to find yourself again as a mother

Selfcare

Find ways to care for yourself. Is it self-grooming you like? Eating out? Working out? Or reading? It could be watching your favourite type of movie by yourself. Find time or ways to do it. Self-care reminds you that you are a person too and you need care and attention.

Be realistic in your plans

Make plans according to your real life. Don't lament on the time or freedom you don't have but focus on what you can do with the time you have or can create for yourself.

Refocus on your hobbies

Get back to the activities which you loved doing in the past. If you didn't have one find one.

Find a few minutes for yourself

A few minutes to breathe alone in a room or outside, eat by yourself or even bathe by yourself. These are rare privileges when you are a mom and having that alone time can make you feel like yourself again.

Get help or ask for it when you need it

Use the services of other people you know and trust so that you can have some time to rest and do other things.

Reconnect with your old good friends

Reconnecting with friends and finding time to talk or meet them can bring back the old you. If you've gotten so busy that you can't keep in touch then it's time to reconnect and spend time with your friends. It will remind you of how you used to be before motherhood.

Find your social life gently

Don't rush. Gently open up to social life. Go out by yourself if you can or with friends. make new friends. Attend events.

Pray

Pray for the new person you are becoming. Pray that you love this new person you are turning into. And that you are happy with yourself.

I recently saw a tweet that said something like this;

'My year will begin in February. January still has drama from 2021'.

That's exactly how I feel about this month. January 2022 has a lot of carryovers from the year 2021. So it feels like an extension of the previous year.

I feel the month is going on fast though. Do you feel so too? I want it to be over and go with the hardship after the festive season commonly known in Cameroon as "La Janvoise".

Lol. Are you currently experiencing la janvoise? It's funny how between the 24th of December 2021 and the 2nd of January 2022 we enjoyed a variety of meals rich in quantity and quality but now the story is different. Janvoise will disappear when salaries begin to come at the end of the month. But in the meantime, people are bound to manage to feed and survive according to the means they have left until their next pay.

I know there are two groups of people reading this post: those going through "la Janvoise" and those asking why should people spend more during the holiday only to struggle later.

Whichever camp you belong to, know that Christmas and new year are celebrated once a year and people need to create good memories with their families and love ones. I never really understood why people shopped more in December but in the last two years, I have come to understand that the bottom line is to make merry and be happy during the last days of the year. Some people do go overboard with the spending and they know they have to tighten their stomachs until the month of January is over.

I manage my Janvoise with meals like Garri and Okro. You can see the fish head which is giving the impression that there is fish in the soup. Lol. Mind you we are in the heart of la Janvoise so eating this meal with the head of a fish is a pri-vi-le-ge.

The amazing thing about this meal was how tasty it was.
This is one of the best okro soups I have eaten in a while.

Whatever the case, Janvoise will soon be over and life will go on normally again. So hold on tight for you will survive it.

Hard work, discipline and consistency are the basis of every success but as an African woman living in an African country, it takes more than that.

Here is what it takes to succeed as an African woman in Africa

Be stubbornly ambitious and have long term goals

The new generation of African women are ambitious but the African society is still getting used to these ambitious women. They are seen as aggressive, proud and less marriage material. And most ambition in African women is killed by this. That's why African women in order to succeed need to resist being discouraged by their environment.

They need to have long term goals to help them know where they are heading in life. It's the long term vision that determines the short term goals and the actions to take for the goal to be achieved. Without long term goals, your environment will determine where you'll end up in life.

Have a positive and strong mindset

Be positive about achieving your goals and achieving your dreams. Be strong mentally as the conditions to succeed in an African country are more difficult.

Take risks and make some extra effort

There are some sectors that are still new or unknown in Africa. Take the risk to try it or explore it. Take the risk to learn, understand and invest in something. Take the risk to start a business or be an entrepreneur. Make the extra effort if you want to venture into the sectors that are already known so that you stand out and attract success.

Networking skills

The ability to interact with other people who will change your life for the better is a great asset. Creating relationships with important personalities or people who can open you to opportunities or discuss great ideas is very important.

Belonging to the right group or set of people/environment

Having and surrounding yourself with like-minded people (success hungry individuals like yourself). It could be a group of entrepreneurs, business partners or ambitious women who support each other to grow and succeed. You can create such an environment around you with your networking skills.

Manage family, peer or societal pressure

African women face the pressure of marriage and childbearing by a certain age because African society is more prone to women marrying and bearing children early. They also face the pressure to qualify as wife material or not because some men fear ambitious women are not submissive enough. There's a constant fear of what people will say if they don't get married by a certain age.

They also fear that the biological clock may not wait for their dreams to be fulfilled before it starts ticking. The technology to freeze eggs and have kids past the age of menopause is not accessible to many women in Africa so they have to respect the time given by nature while they struggle to build a career.

The African context has its reality and these factors are important to succeed in it as an African woman.