This is an interview with someone I will describe as a life changer. She has the interest of her fellow women at heart and strives to help them surmount their greatest fear even when they don't believe that they are going through a bad situation. She was recently nominated for The Global Heros Platform Award (GHP).

Identify That Thing You Are Passionate About & Go For It || Yensi Helen Jokem

My guest is Yensi Helen Jokem. Helen is an activist for women. She gives hope to women who suffered violence through her NGO called The Hope Centre. Helen and I will be talking about her successes, her obstacles and how she realized her dream of becoming an activist for women. Let's get to know this strong, relentless and beautiful fighter for women's rights whose work and personality are touching and changing lives in Cameroon.

* * *

Ngumabi:

Hi Helen and welcome to the blog.

Helen:

Hello Abi and thank you for giving me this opportunity to be your guest.

Ngumabi:

I'm so happy you accepted to do this interview for us (myself and the readers). We are looking forward to learning a lot from you.

Just to mention to our dear readers: Helen and I attended the same primary and secondary school and I'm so proud to have this conversation with her on my blog. She is so inspiring to me and other young girls out there because of her work and her kind heart toward women.

So, Helen, we share the same thoughts on certain issues about women and we have had a few conversations on Facebook from time to time. I am a fan of your work with women.

Have you always been passionate about helping women? How did you start this campaign of helping women who have suffered domestic violence?

Helen:

It’s a pleasure and honour for me to share my story because it can be an inspiration to someone.

Talking about my passion to help women, while growing up I always wanted to have an orphanage to take care of orphans. But as I got into the university and studied issues concerning women (Women’s Studies with Sociology and Anthropology) at the University of Buea and Gender and Development in the University of Yaoundé I, my dreams changed.

My passion now became to empower women and girls especially economically. But the choice of domestic violence came as a result of the fact that I wanted that area of focus which seemed neglected by most.

I realised domestic violence has become a way of life acceptable by many but with many negative effects. And with the help of a mentor, I was able to start up The Hope Center to rehabilitate girls and women who have suffered or are suffering from domestic violence. I strive to bring out the real worth in them and empower them to be strong women who can ACTIVELY contribute to their personal development and the development of their communities and societies.

Ngumabi:

What a great choice you made by filling the gap and providing a solution to a serious problem affecting women in our society.

We know it's rare to follow our dreams without facing some challenges either from people around us or from other circumstances in life. What are those challenges you faced when you chose this path in life and what is still your biggest challenge?

Helen:

Hihihihihihi. That’s true. I have encountered so many challenges but I consider them as stepping stones to get to my destination

Though I really don’t consider this a challenge, for the sake of the audience, I’ll say this because they can learn something from it. I have lost so many people I thought were my ‘friends’. This only helped me to know who they truly are.

That aside, the biggest challenge I have had has been the difficulty of totally convincing victims to Break The Silence. You would agree with me that we live in a society where domestic violence or intimate partner violence has become a way of life acceptable by many due to some of our cultures and traditions.

This makes it difficult for victims to speak out because they consider what they are going through to be ‘PERSONAL’ and should not be shared with others. For this reason, it’s been difficult to freely offer help to those in need of it.

Furthermore, I have had to sacrifice every franc I earn to run The Hope Center. It’s not been easy but it’s been worth the sacrifice. It’s so fulfilling when you put a smile on someone’s face. The smiles, the kind words, and the encouragements are the key things that keep me going.

Ngumabi:

Indeed we make sacrifices to make our dreams happen especially when we don't get the support we need. It helps us learn more from our experience.

There is a saying that goes "Never stop learning because life never stops teaching". What surprising lessons have you learned along the way to doing what you to do?

Helen:

Hmmmmmmmmmm!

I really am not sure I have had any surprising lessons but what baffles me often is the fact that some victims will prefer to stay in abusive relationships and will not want to seek help all in the name of LOVE or staying there because of their children. Damn it! Like I always say Love SHOULDN’T HURT.

Another thing too that baffles me is the fact that some girls and women don’t have lives of their own. They think only a man SHOULD provide for them and their dependence on men is exactly the biggest cause of the violence they face. Women and girls need to understand that they are human beings first before anything else. They don’t have to live their lives for men and other people. They should step out of their so-called comfort zones and get something doing. Every man out there would be happy to see their partners bring something to the table. It's high time women stopped thinking of themselves as liabilities to understanding they are very USEFUL ASSETS.

Ngumabi:

You are so right, love shouldn't hurt us but rather protect and make us feel secure. Many women are yet to understand this.

And you are making women understand it through The Hope Centre which is making a real impact in the lives of women across Cameroon. The work of your centre is highly appreciated by many people. So tell us when did The Hope Centre start and how did it come about?

Helen:

The Hope Center is 11 months old. It started on 27th May 2017 with an online awareness of Domestic Violence.

The Hope Center came about as my own way of giving back to my community. After studying Women, Gender and Development issues for over 6 years and obtaining a Bachelor's and Master’s degree, the only way I could give back what I had acquired for all those years was to start up something which could change the lives of many and bring about a positive change in attitudes and mindsets.

Most people ask if I started The Hope Center because I have once been a victim of Domestic Violence. I tell them NO.

We all have either been affected in one way or the other by domestic violence or have contributed to it. We have seen our friends, neighbours, and family members suffer but we have kept quiet either because of fear or because we consider it not our issue. Even those who have spoken up for others have been given bad names. But the truth is someone needs to STAND UP for others. To rekindle the hope they’ve lost and The Hope Center is out to do just that.

Ngumabi:

It's really time to break the ice around domestic violence so that more women can speak up.

But then, there is a myth that it's difficult to work with women. I mean, I have heard it a lot of times that when I encounter a difficult time working with a woman I tend to believe this myth more and more. In your experience, is this myth true?

Helen:

Hahahahahaha!

It sounds funny but it’s very true. You would automatically think because I am working to empower women, it should all be bread and chocolate working with other women. In reality, it is not so.

There are actually 3 camps of women I have encountered in the course of my work - those who just don’t see anything good in what you are doing and no matter what you do they will never say anything good about it. There is a second camp of women who will pretend to love what you do and even say nice things about it most especially in a circle where others are saying good things about you but once you are not there, they say negative things about you. And the 3rd camp of women, some who have never met me and who ceaselessly support my work, at times without me knowing.

This last category of women is those who matter. As for the first 2 categories, they will just be alright someday.

Ngumabi:

Hahahaha! We focus on the positive right? That's awesome! Thanks for that lesson.

Ambitious ladies like you usually have a 5-year or 10-year plan for their lives and career. What more are we expecting from Helen? What's next for you in your career?

Helen:

Hihihihihihi!

I have only laid the foundation. I need to raise the walls of the house (a storey building of course – don’t ask how many floors) and then roof it. There is so much in store, but now is not the time to let the cat out of the bag. Keep your antennae up and you’d get the news as it will be happening.

Ngumabi:

Wow, I can feel the suspense you are giving us. We will definitely watch out for you! It's always an enriching experience keeping up with you.

So in Africa and Cameroon, in particular, there are many young ladies who have dreams like you but are facing challenges like fear to go for their dreams, cultural ties and the reality of life.

What advice will you give these girls who dare not come out and follow their passions because of fear or those who dared but are struggling to achieve their dreams but are facing a lot of challenges especially here in Cameroon?

Helen:

My dear sisters, identify that thing you are passionate about and go for it. The journey will be rough, and the road will be rocky, but set your goals and priorities and aim at achieving them. Don’t distract yourself or let anyone distract you. Get a mentor to guide you through. INVEST in what you love. Make use of every opportunity you have, be it to gain knowledge or to share knowledge. Above all, stay close to GOD and he will see you through.

Ngumabi:

That's some great motivation!

People want to be appreciated for what they do while they are alive and want to be remembered when they are no longer around.

What do you want your legacy to be? What do you want to be remembered for?

Helen:

I want to be remembered as someone who rekindled hope in those who had lost hope, who brought back smiles to the faces of many and above all I want to be that ‘bible’ that others will read (through my activities) and come closer to GOD.

Ngumabi:

It's been a pleasure having this conversation with you Helen. Thank you so much, for accepting to talk Ngumabi's Glam!

Helen:

Thank you too dear for having me. It’s been a pleasure too.

Ngumabi:

I'm sure our readers have learned a great lot from you. We wish you the best in your career. God Bless you, darling!

Helen:

Thank you!

* * *

You can know more about and follow Helen's activities with The Hope Centre by clicking here. Go support her and show some love for this great cause she is promoting to help our fellow women who are suffering domestic violence.

I went shopping for underwear and got inspired to write this post because knowing what to look for is key to buying the right underwear for you.

As girls, we need different types of underwear especially panties for different uses and occasions. So here are my tips for you.

Panties Every Girl Should Own & Tips For Buying Your Panties

Things girls should look for while buying panties

The basic things I look forward to when buying my panties are sexiness, comfort, style and discretion. There should be at least one of these factors on them.

1. Sexiness

Sexy panties are like my secret weapon for confidence. It influences the way I walk, talk and attitude toward the day in a good way. It puts me in a good mood. What you wear inside comes out through the good vibes you share on the outside.

Buy sexy underwear to make you feel good about yourself and build your confidence.

2. Comfort

I do go for comfort a lot. In fact, lately, I have been buying a lot of comfortable pants. And please, it's not old age. It's just that comfort is key on some occasions. And comfort doesn't necessarily mean it's not sexy, young and vibrant too.

Go for comfortable pants when you are travelling, working out or sleeping.

3. Style & Adventure

I love the stylish and playful panties to spice up my collection. It's fun to wear stylish panties. I mean panties with the extra stylish designs.

Stylish pants make your collection fun and spicy.

4. Discretion

This is very important because I don't like seeing my panty lines through my clothes.

So a girl needs some discrete panties.

After reading these characteristics above, you should already be guessing the types of pants a girl must have.

Panties Every Girl Should Own

1. Cotton panties

I start with comfort because that's what I go for the most now. They were not my fave in the past because I used to prefer a lot of sexy panties and most very sexy underwear doesn't come in cotton.

But now I love cotton panties because they are more absorbent and they don't produce odour like other panties when you sweat.

2. Black panties

These are one of the most essential pants when it comes to colour because they are good to wear with see-through clothing and white clothing.

They are also easy to wash and no worries about stains too. I know your mind be going like 'that means black panties dirty' but no! It's just like your black clothing which is easier to wash than the white ones.

Also Read: I Tried the Turmeric & Honey Face Mask for Almost Two Weeks!

3. Lace & Net panties

For the sake of being sexy, every woman needs lace pants. This is where she can tap into her feminity and feel the softer version of her feminine power. Whatever that means. LOL. Just own a lace pants ladies.

4. Seamless Panties

This is to ensure discretion when you wear really light and/or tight clothing because it's annoying to see lines of underwear through a woman's clothing.

5. Thongs (Strings)

This list wouldn't be complete without this. Just like the seamless panties, they don't show panty lines. They are even best in most cases because they guarantee absolutely no lines through the clothes. But they can show up if they are too tight.

6. Male panties

It could be a boy-short or the actual male pant. My tip is to go for a male pant which doesn't have space for the '6 pack' you know.

You should try adding a male pant to your pant collection if you haven't. This is fun and can build your confidence knowing that you can wear male underwear and make it look sexy on you in a feminine way.

Are you scared of taking charge of your life? Yes, taking charge of ones' life can be scary. It doesn't necessarily mean that you become automatically independent when you take charge of your life. It only requires you to be more in control of your actions in the present and in the future.

If you feel lost when it comes to keeping track of your self-development, career, love and life in general then you need to sit up and start taking charge!

How to take charge of your life.

1. Decide to be responsible for your decisions and actions

Own your decisions and the consequences of your decisions. Accept your mistakes and correct them without shame or pride. We all make mistakes. You have to look at your mistakes as opportunities to learn.

2. Make and keep worthy relationships

Create and keep relationships that steer you in the direction of success. Avoid those who kill your self-confidence and ignore negative energy from those around you. Ask yourself from time to time what your gain is from every relationship.

Be ready to give your time and energy to keep worthy relationships. Good relationships are based on giving and taking, so be willing to play your part and make your own share of sacrifices for it to work.

3. Have a vision for your life and break it down into goals.

How do you want your life to be in 5 or 10 years? After answering this, write down steps on how to achieve them. Take action to realise these goals daily.

4. Take action on your goals and embrace obstacles

Well defined goals without action make no difference. It's an action towards achieving your goals that makes you take control of your life.

Start with the things that you find easy to do. It helps you stay motivated to do more complicated tasks.

5. Make yourself a priority

Choose yourself first. it doesn't mean you should be selfish but realise that your comfort and happiness counts. Don't promise more than what you can give.

You need to take care of yourself physically and mentally to be able to take charge of your life. You need to be confident so make yourself a priority.

I can hear Riri singing in wild thoughts in my ear right now lol.

I want to share with you a few 'wild' thoughts I used to have as a teenager concerning relationships.

Actually, they are more on the romantic side and thinking about them reminded me of Rihana's song wild thoughts.

My teenage self was inexperienced with relationships and could only dream of them.

Me spending loads of time with myself could have influenced that. I am an introvert and life is a repeat because I live almost every life scene in my head before it happens.

I also watched tv a lot and my favourite shows were the Brazillian series and Romantic music videos.

Most of all I read many romantic novels - Mills & Boon, Harlequin and Historical romance.

My Wild Thoughts

Wild Thoughts I Had about Relationships as a Teenager

1. Looking through the window, lost in thought, my lover comes, holds me from behind, squeezes me in his arms and I smile grabbing his arms around me.

Ha! Need I elaborate? This is the most romantic thought that haunted me. Maybe it still does. This dream has happened a number of times but not exactly the same way that I imagined it.

I wasn't standing by a window most of the times it happened but I think it's one of those moments that I can not get enough

2. Pulled and kissed preferably while I'm walking away.

I don't how many of us ladies are guilty of this. Please indicate in the comment section if you have imagined being pulled and insisted to be kissed by your dream guy because he couldn't wait any longer.

3. Imagine a cute celebrity I like wooing me and fighting every obstacle till he gets me

Dreaming is free and I made use of it. I could have Brad Pit, Eddy Murphy, Tyrese Gibson, Keath Sweat and Usher as I wanted, when I wanted and how I wanted.

Sorry, I know they are older now but I'm a 90s babe and those were some of my celebrity crushes then.

4. Melting in the arms of my crush, clinging to and exploring his perfect body as he plants his first kiss on my lips.

That's how I imagine my first kiss. Turned out I didn't even like it when it happened. I was even too scared to return it not to talk of digging into the kisser's body that was far from what I dreamt of.

Let's leave it there. It may not have happened as I thought, but those were really lovely moments in my head.

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How Did Wet Wipes Make My Face Beautiful?

It cleaned out all dirt and impurities from my face

It prevented me from having acne and blackheads

Because of wet wipes, I moisturized my face more often

It made my face look fresh and young

How I used my wet wipes

What I realized was:

- I discovered that my face needed a deep cleaning to avoid skin problems.

- I also discovered that washing my face with soap wasn't enough to remove all the dirt on my face.

Panties Every Girl Should Own & Tips For Buying Your Panties

Things girls should look for while buying panties

1. Sexiness

2. Comfort

3. Style & Adventure

4. Discretion

Panties Every Girl Should Own

1. Cotton panties

2. Black panties

3. Lace & Net panties

4. Seamless Panties

5. Thongs (Strings)

6. Male panties

Here are the reasons why I stopped shaving my eyebrows.

It's painful

It gave me rashes

It required maintenance

It's hard to draw and shape them

Laziness

I'm beautiful with my natural brows

Here are the ways I hydrate my skin

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Drinking more tea

Using a hydrating cream

Oiling my skin multiple times a day

Drinking much water

How to take charge of your life.

1. Decide to be responsible for your decisions and actions

2. Make and keep worthy relationships

3. Have a vision for your life and break it down into goals.

4. Take action on your goals and embrace obstacles

5. Make yourself a priority

Love Songs That Marked My Teenage Year

1. Donell Jones - This Love

2. Keath Sweat - Not Ready

3. LSG - Love Hurts

4. Tyrese - How You Gonna Act Like That

5. LeAnn Rimes - How Do I Live Without You

6. Tony Braxton - In The Late Of Night

7. Brandy - Almost Doesn't Count

8. Joe - No One Else Comes Close

9. Baby Face - Reason for Breathing

10. Mariah Carrey - My All

KC & Joe Joe - Tell me it's real

My Wild Thoughts

1. Looking through the window, lost in thought, my lover comes, holds me from behind, squeezes me in his arms and I smile grabbing his arms around me.

2. Pulled and kissed preferably while I'm walking away.

3. Imagine a cute celebrity I like wooing me and fighting every obstacle till he gets me

4. Melting in the arms of my crush, clinging to and exploring his perfect body as he plants his first kiss on my lips.

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